I have a new rule for myself. Most moms are going to say "duh" to this, but hey, I'm a little slow on the uptake, so here it is...
Don't say "no" unless you have to. Also known as: Pick your battles.
I find myself correcting, scolding, and saying no far more often than I'd like. After a recent stand-off between the 3yo and I, My Love asked "why?" as in "why can't she choose to take her socks and slippers off and run around barefoot on the ice cold tile floor?" Which I was mad about.
"She can't just run around on the tile barefoot! It's winter! Her piggy toes will freeze! She'll get FROSTBITE! I look like a bad mom! PLUS her feet get cold then she complains about it and I have to waste time putting them back on twenty times every day!"
And on and on I went in my head (and a little bit out loud to Jesse.) But then I thought about it and I realized he's right.
Kids need to be kids. And my kids would probably be greatly relieved if they heard the words "no", "don't", and "stop" less often.
So my new parenting "rule" (that is desperately hard for a control-freak to implement in the face of slightly annoying childhood behavior) is as follows: Before I say the N word I must ask myself... Is anyone getting hurt or is any property being damaged?... Am I being GREATLY inconvenienced (emphasis on greatly, cause I tend to overreact to anything that inconveniences me) by said behavior?
And if the answer to both is no then I'm not allowed to say NO!
As long as they're safe, not breaking things, and not adding a thirty-minute-clean-up-chore to my to-do list, it's "no harm no foul!" So here's to many more sightings of my kids without socks/slippers, slouching way down in their chairs at the table, taking sips of nasty soapy bath water, kicking the side door of the car as we drive to and fro, playing with my new throw pillows on the dirty kitchen floor, and many other random kid shenanigans that enter their strange kid minds.
I don't know where they come up with some of this stuff, but I need to be better about just letting most of it ride... even when it drives me crazy!!!
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[side note: the barefoot pictures for this post were not forced... I was letting them jump on my bed (with socks on) for a "kids in motion" photo assignment for photoshop class, and during the course of the shoot Lily started taking her socks off and asked if she could help Sammy take hers off... it took everything in me to say "YES" hehe. Yes, you can all take your stinkin' socks off. Cause I'm a cool mom now and I'm not going to be a control-freak. At least, not in this area.]
I remember having this discussion with your Mom many years ago.
ReplyDeleteYou should have it with me. A lot, apparently ;o)
Deleteha ha ha ha!!!!! (You two - Mike and Linda - are so good for each other!)
ReplyDeleteAren't they? And I'm lucky to have BOTH of them in my life! (to learn from and laugh at!)
Deletewho me? I was never (cough cough) a control freak! (MUCH)
ReplyDeleteLIAR.
DeleteAfter a very hard parenting season started with Ti I came to the conclusion that unless I was willing/able to say "no" and fight that battle until I won then I shouldn't be saying it. A lot of it comes down to what you said Jess- are they in danger or damaging property? It's so hard and so sanctifying! Makes me stop looking at myself and what I want all the time! :) praying for you!
ReplyDeleteYep. Saying yes is so much harder than I would have ever thought! But being flexible makes parenting more fun!
DeleteI found that constantly correcting, scolding, redirecting, etc. simply became "white noise" to them. In other words, they became so used to hearing it that they no longer heard it. Not a good outcome.
ReplyDeleteOh good point! And I can totally see that, too. Everyone was getting tired of GrumpyMomma and they definitely weren't receiving her "proclamations" well.
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