Parting is Just Plain Sorrow

It's been a weird day today. 

I've been busy. Running errands. Groceries, post office, Christmas shopping, ballet class. 

All in the constant drizzle that seems so appropriate for how I'm feeling. 

Because Kirsten is on her way to the next leg of their adventure. An airplane is taking her far far away from me.

It seems so strange that I'm debating on which type of pork roast to buy and helping little girls into tutus... just doing normal life things... when all the while a huge part of my life is packing her bags and leaving on a plane to Texas. 

If ever we take things for granted, it's those rare friendships that come our way only once in awhile. We are fools because we think things will always stay the same. 

But we forget how quickly the PCS clock ticks down to DEROS time. Or at least I did.

You would think my time as a military spouse, living in this environment of constant change, would have me calloused by now. 

I should be a pro at saying goodbye.

But I don't think we ever get good at it. In order to do so, we would have to stop being human or something! And I don't want to live like that!

I want to feel the closeness of true friendship... even if it means I have to feel the pain of inevitable goodbyes. 

On Tuesday Kirsten came over to my house, like she's done hundreds of times in the past three years. 

We drank caffeinated beverages and enjoyed a fire. We ate smoked salmon and messed around with our new favorite paper snowflakes. 

We talked and talked and talked, like we always do. 

We walked to the kindergarten to pick up the girls, and we laughed at their antics on the walk home. We had more caffeine in the afternoon and warmed up by the fire again.

And we talked and talked and talked.

And in my heart I didn't feel like it was our "last day" together. Even though I knew it was.

We took goodbye photos. We gave goodbye hugs. 

I know we can skype. And talk on the phone. Hell I know we can even use Space-A to have bestie vacays if we want. 

But it's not the same. We'll never live in Germany at the same time again. It feels so strange to think that my life here is just going to keep chugging along for the next two years... And I KNOW I will have more friendships to cherish... 

...but that doesn't mean that this day just plain sucked. 

Lest you think I'm a total Debbie-Downer, I have also been marveling at the complicated feelings that my heart can feel all in the same season. 

I can be raw with the pain of goodbye, and at the same time smiling with excitement for all the awesome things that this next move has in store for my friend. I can feel grumpy and stress-clean my entire kitchen, and at the same time be filled with joy at the memories that well up when I turn on the new-to-me espresso machine Kirsten gave me and taught me to use. 

A friendship like that will make you feel like that.

And you can't help but smile and wave and cry and laugh all at once as the precious time together ends. 

You know you've been changed for the better by that kind of friendship. She has rubbed off on you in so many good ways that you probably won't even understand them all for years. She has helped you grow, she has held your hand and been your shoulder, she has laughed and cried and been angry for you and told you to stop being stupid and everything in between. She taught you Photoshop and she helped form you into a fearless mompreneur. She pushed you when you didn't want to be pushed. And she waited patiently when you needed to breathe. She loved pretty food... possibly more than you did.

And you thank God for sending such a kindred spirit your way.