Ten Essential Steps to Make Your OCONUS PCS Less Stressful

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In case you couldn't tell by the title full of acronyms, this one if for my dear sweet military peeps.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people Uncle Sam moves around during the holiday season. As if PCSing isn't stressful enough, now you have to do it right before or right after the holidays? What the heckity-heck!

But anyways, I was buzzing around Kirsten's while the movers were there packing up their HHG and I was trying to be helpful or at least stay out of the way.

And I realized that I had not given her nearly enough information from what I've learned or heard from others to make the move as easy as possible for her. Oops.

While it's too late for her, it's not too late for you! ;-)

Here's the advice I usually offer to friends who are moving:

1. Schedule a babysitter for your kids. For the whole day. I feel like this goes without explaining, but seriously simplify everyone's life and keep the kids out of the house.

2. A few days in advance of the moving day, clear out an entire room of your house, if possible. (If not, then just do your best to have a whole corner of a room for this purpose) This is where you're going to put absolutely EVERYTHING you don't want packed in your HHG. i.e. everything you're taking with you on your trip to the next base, or everything you're giving away or selling. Put a huge sign near the pile or on the door that says PLEASE DO NOT PACK. For extra comic relief, use caution tape. But seriously, this part is a big deal. Because if it's not clearly marked it doesn't matter how many times you tell them what does and does not go... some stuff will get packed that's supposed to stay and visa versa. Think very carefully about what you will need with you when you're without your HHG and make sure you keep it separate from what you want shipped.

3. Since we're talking about piles, you need to get a huge box (or maybe two) in your kitchen and the week before they come, start putting things in the box that they won't ship. You will be either a) throwing this all away or b) giving it away to a friend. (cue PCS generosity... you can't take it but why toss it?) They will not pack most of your open pantry items. So all oils, vinegar, open spices, flour, sugar, etc. go in the box. They also won't ship alcohol, cleaning supplies, or candles. But check with your moving company, because sometimes if you let them know ahead of time you CAN make an alcohol shipment. (Kirsten and Dana did but there was paperwork involved.)

4. Speaking of cleaning supplies, you need to make a pile of those, too. In fact scratch that, put the cleaning supplies in your special "do not pack" room. Because if you'll be cleaning the house yourself, you want to have what you need. So keep a broom behind (they're cheap to replace) and also a vacuum. Now that's not always cheap to replace, but many people living OCONUS are getting rid of their non-110v appliances anyways. Or you can always plan ahead to borrow one. You'll also be wanting some rags or paper towels for the cleaning spree. And a bunch of huge trash bags.

5. Put a few rolls of toilet paper in your "do not pack" room. This was Dana's idea and it was brilliant. Because they knew they'd be in the empty house all weekend cleaning. Way to think ahead D!

6. Make a separate pile somewhere for your high value items. We don't have many, but our examples would include Jesse's guitars, any of my camera gear that I wasn't taking on the plane, and our Steuben decanter set. I believe the general idea is anything over $200 value or anything of irreplaceable sentimental value. You sometimes have to actually sign for these and list out what they are worth, but in the very least you'll want to look the movers in the eye, flash them your best smile, and tell them to please for the love of pretty things be careful with this pile!

7. If possible, find a friend who adds nothing but zen to your life and ask her to come over for at least a few hours the day the movers will be there. She will keep you sane, remind you to sit down and breathe, keep your coffee cup filled, and make sure you eat something. Bonus points if she's the kind of friend who will bring you a bottle of wine for the end of the day ;-)

8. Get a good night’s sleep the day before the movers come. You will be on your feet most of the day as they are going to be packing up your whole house and eventually, all your chairs. Also it’s kind of nerve-wracking to have strangers touching all your stuff. You’re gonna need all your wits about you to battle that inner control-freak.

9. On the day the movers will come to start packing, have a breakfast treat set out for them and be prepared to provide a bottomless pot of coffee. Set out the cream and sugar and mugs (or styrofoam cups) and let them know right away that the refreshments are for them. I like to make muffins ahead of time. You can freeze them and just pull them out to thaw the day before. People who have full tummies and plenty of caffeine will appreciate your generosity and *hopefully* take extra good care when packing your stuff.

10. As the movers are wrapping up, wander through the rooms and check things out. When we moved from Mississippi to Germany, I found a couple of drawers in the bathroom that hadn't been packed. And there is usually a lot of moving debris (empty rolls of tape, papers, etc.) that are technically not your responsibility to clean up. You have enough to do. Just politely ask if they can please grab all the trash before they leave. The movers aren't evil, they're just human. And they're going to cut corners at times. Just make sure they aren't leaving you with too much extra work to do.

*** Bonus Tip *** Try to remember that your stuff is going to be loaded into crates and shipped across the OCEAN. When you get it all back finally, there will be broken things and there will be some damages to furniture. Be realistic and don't get your undies in an uproar about it! Uncle Sam will pay you some damages, especially if it is obvious that it was definitely the movers' fault. But keep in mind that there's only so much you can do when moving things at that distance and over that kind of environment!

Be patient and remember, they're just things. 

Besides that, I hope if you have a good tip I missed you will share it in the comments so future readers can benefit from your experiences!

And if you found this post informative, please share it with a friend who has an upcoming PCS.

Or pin it for yourself, for your next move!

I wish you peace this holiday season, and extra peace if you're PCSing at this time! 

AF Wife Lesson #12: You never know what benefits you might qualify for until you ask.

This picture pretty accurately describes my excitement level this week. Neck muscles popping, EVERY tooth showing. I've practically been bouncing around the house with butterflies in my tummy.

So what am I spazzing like a fool about?

I am an official student at the New York Institute of Photography!!!!!

But that's not all! 

I'M GOING FOR FREE!!!

So that explains the crazy face, right? Somebody pinch me!!!!!!!!! 

The whole story is that I was daydreaming out loud to Jesse about wanting to take these photography, marketing, and photoshop courses from the NYIP. Unfortunately, the business isn't making enough money yet to justify such a cost.

But the ironic thing is that now, when I'm just starting, is probably the best time to take classes... before I get busy and tell myself I "don't have time!" You can make it being a self-taught photographer, but I was craving some professional level education.

So J, smart guy that he is, reminded me to check into the scholarships available to military spouses. I tried to keep my excitement bubble small, because I was afraid that an online art school wouldn't qualify for the program. But obviously I was wrong!

I have some new Air Force acronyms for ya:

MyCAA is the military spouse career advancement accounts program.
SECO stands for spouse education and career opportunities.

Appparently MyCAA and SECO have created this scholarship program to encourage military spouses to pursue portable career fields! I had heard rumors about spouse scholarships before but I always assumed they were only for "real degrees" and I wasn't really interested in getting a bachelor's in anything. But they are intentionally trying to help us find career opportunities that can flex and move when our family has to PCS.

Like... a photography business?? YOU GOT IT.

SO here I am, just starting out on my journey to become a certified NYIP graduate! My first course is called the Complete Course in Professional Photography. 

Air Force Wife Lesson #12: you never know what benefits you might qualify for until you ask.

This is obviously going to complicate our lives a little. I'm going to have to re-evaluate my top priorities and shift some around in order to squeeze online school in! I'll have to add a few more things to the things I don't do list for this season. And my business won't be able to grow until I finish these classes I want to take. But that's fine by me!!!

So that's that. Please excuse me while I go run excited laps around my house. (just kidding, that's literally impossible with my house.) Please excuse me while I go get another hour of learning in tonight. 

I'm devouring this first unit... my nervous/excited energy has to go SOMEWHERE! ;o)

Air Force Wife Lesson #11... Being Thankful

Jesse had his first TDY recently. I can't remember exactly what that stands for, but just think of it as a short deployment and you'll be good to go. Sometimes, they can be 3-6 months long (which is basically a deployment in my opinion.) And sometimes they can be only a few weeks.

J's was only three days. 

It was more like a business trip ;o) Not anywhere dangerous... and actually a really cool experience for him, both professionally and personally. He got to visit some weather flights that he forecasts for. They were able to see the other side of the equation of their job. He seemed pretty excited about it. 

Since it was such a short TDY, it's not like I was inconvenienced or even really had time to get lonely. But I did think about the fact that I was alone. And I thought about what it must be like for pretty much every other military family I know, facing last-minute TDYs and loooooong deployments. And I wanted to be more thankful. 

I want to be thankful for the fact that we haven't had to go through a deployment, yet. It might seem selfish or strange to be like "I'm thankful because I compare my military experience with other wives and mine has been CAKE!" but it's true! I can't help it!

When he joined, I remember that deployments were a four-letter word in my mind. I was terrified of the fact that we were volunteering for a life where Uncle Sam was going to tell us where to live and when to move and would eventually separate us for times. So yes, I'm thankful that it just hasn't been that bad for us, yet. 

The D-word will eventually visit the Aiduk family. And I'm sure it will suck. But it's part of military life. And we'll be just fine when it happens. Until then...

...I, for one, am glad it hasn't happened, yet!

The Girl and Her Bike: It Takes a Village

This is Lily.  And her new bike.  Thanks to Randy and Shawna.

The girls have been blessed with a lot of really awesome "Air Force Aunts and Uncles" throughout our AF journey... but today I'm going to highlight the Meese's.  They're one of the couples that help me feel like, even though our extended family is across the ocean... my girls are still getting taken care of.

Example: this bike.  And it's twin, a matching one that is a little too tall for Sammy right now and will live in our garage until she grows a little.

They were free!  Randy and Shawna's base has a bulk trash day and they are constantly finding non-trash items just sitting by the dumpsters because people are too lazy to take them to the Airman's Attic or Thrift Store.  People get busy when PCSing so they just dump what they can't get rid of.  

So I like to joke that Randy and Shawna are the best dumpster divers I know!  Picture them, just driving along to wherever they were going, when Shawna shrieks, "BIKES!!!  TWO LITTLE GIRL BIKES!!!  Go get those for the Aiduk girls!!!!!!"  And Randy slams on the breaks and runs out like 0007 and snatches the goods to throw in the car.  Mission accomplished.

So that's just one of the many many MANY reasons we are thankful to have Randy and Shawna in our lives.  They think of our girls.  And it gives me a lump in my throat.  Because I know that if mine and J's siblings could be closer, they'd be doing the same kind of things...

Okay now I'm crying.  Geeeeeeez.  I am utterly ridiculous.

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But this brings me to an Air Force Wife Lesson... #10: viciously suck every ounce of generosity out of your friends, especially the ones who love your kids.  (Polite rephrase: accept, appreciate, and return the generosity of others? Yeah, that's better...)  Because raising little kids is hard and most people have their families around to support them.  But you don't.  So soak up all the help and support you can get from those Air Force "Aunts and Uncles!"  

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Moving on... Lily is pretty awesome at this whole big girl bike thing.  She loves it when I draw her a "road" to drive on.

And Samma-lamma has graduated to the tricycle from Lilo, which is much more fun than the little car push toy she used to use.  Everyone's getting an upgrade!  Now I want a new car ;o) 

Shout out to Mila!!  Another AF family member!

A thousand thank you's to Randy and Shawna for this dose of Aiduk-girls-and-bikes-cuteness!  You guys rock!

Air Force Wife Lesson #9: Be patient with things involving work that aren't his fault

Lesson #9 = Be patient with things involving work that aren't his fault.  For example, when he's working a really hard shift the last thing he needs is for YOU to whine about it!  As if he isn't under enough stress...

A very serious, and super difficult example, would be a last minute deployment... as some of my friends have experienced with all the craziness that's been happening in the world recently.  What I'm dealing with is nothing compared to that...

But Jesse's schedule in the last two weeks has been a giant bummer.  Definitely not as much of a bummer as a last minute deployment but hey, it's serious to me.  And I want to make sure you don't hear me complaining with a nasty, whiny, pity-me-voice.  I just want to be honest with what I'm going through.  And yes, I am complaining.  But just a little.

Before I discuss how frustrated I am, let me say a few positive things...

1) J has recently been promoted (yay for more wiggle room in the budget!)
2) He got "forecaster of the month" at the squadron
3) He got a 95 (out of 100) on his PT test!

So things aren't going too shabby for us around here.  Not to mention the fact that we live in Europe and we get paid for it.  

And now that I've been a little bit positive, let's carry on...

There was a two day stretch this week that I saw Jesse (awake) for a total of 4 hours.  The girls are asking about him all the time... and I don't know if Lily's more annoyed at me SHHHing her because "Daddy's sleeping" or if I'm more annoyed that I constantly have to SHHH her.  I'm just thankful he hasn't died driving home from work, yet.  (Not to scare his Mom or anything.)

But this working midnight to noon thing is killing me.  It's the worst of all worlds... I don't see him during the day cause he's sleeping and then if we're lucky (it's SO HARD keeping the kids quiet) he's still sleeping after the kids go to bed... I see him a few hours before I crash... and I sleep alone cause he's at work.  And all I can say is at least I'm not the one working this much.  I'd die.  Seriously, he's a champ about it.

There are a few things going on right now that are making all these 12 hour shifts necessary.  First, Jesse is doing an extra four hours of training after each regular shift... so it's not that he's scheduled for 12s, per se, it's just that it worked out that way this month.  But training ended yesterday so hopefully he won't have any more shifts like that for awhile.

Second, our squadron has stopped receiving newbies from Keesler because they were planning on decreasing the number of people that work at our squadron by the year 2014.  So even though they're working 8 hour shifts usually, they seem to be working more of them now than when we first moved here.  If you remember, we were going to stay an extra year in Germany but then we couldn't.  Part of the reason for that was the WIFTO course, but part of it was the squadron changing some things...

And I didn't want to have to explain all that.  Actually, there's a lot more to explain about what's happening with our squadron... but a) I don't fully understand it all and b) it's definitely not my business to be posting online.  Not that the inner workings of our weather squadron directly impact "operational security" as we call it, but still.  You don't really need to know and it doesn't really matter to my story here.

For the purpose of documenting our own little Air Force journey here, and if it would help any other new military spouses out, I just want to say that sometimes this job sucks.  For my husband, for my kids, and for myself.  I've been kicking it single-mom style these past two weeks, desperately clinging to the hope that next month's schedule will be better...

And even if it's not, I'm still glad Jesse enlisted.  I'm thankful for a steady job.  I'm thankful for good health care.  I'm thankful for the money we've been able to save.  For the opportunity to live in Germany.  For the wonderful friends we've met along the way.

And for the fact that my husband's job matters to the mission.  I don't care how much he and his buddies joke about how lame and useless their job is... I'm sure that it matters.  Knowing the weather forecast is important, and sometimes even life-saving, for those pilots and the people they are transporting.  I'm proud of my Airman.

Even if I don't remember what he looks like!

Lesson #8: The Weekend is in the Eye of the Beholder

Yesterday (Monday) was our Saturday.  I'm still getting into the groove of this whole always-different-shift schedule.  It's so tough to keep track of what day it is when your husband doesn't work Monday through Friday like he always used to!

But it's not that bad :o)  He had Sunday and Monday off... then works four days... then has a four day weekend!  Which I'm planning to cram with lots of fun stuff and Thanksgiving prep!

But after a busy day Sunday of church and a birthday party for my friend Laura's son Michael, we were definitely ready for a lazy day.  So we stayed in our pajamas and kept a fire going all day!

I made myself leave the toys out all day.  Usually I make the girls clean up after each play session (and by make the girls I mean I clean up for them while singing the "clean up song" and hoping that someday they'll stop being babies and help) but for our lazy-day we just left it all out.

The girls played pretty nice together and they took a decently long afternoon nap... which allowed me to get a few kitchen projects done.  Like sauerkraut and apple crisp!

Jess got to bond with his new computer game.  It's not one of those loud shoot-em-up games so it doesn't make me cranky ;o)  And nothing is cuter than turning around and seeing Lily snuggled up next to him with Sam standing by the couch begging for up, too.  I love it!

It was a great day.  Not bad for a Monday.  I mean Saturday.  Whatever.  It's a really good thing I'm an organization freak and am addicted to looking at my to-do list and calendar every five minutes... otherwise I'm sure I'd get all confused and miss appointments because I forget what day it is!  

I never realized how much I used my husband's work schedule as my weekly rhythm till he started on a different schedule!  I'm gonna have to set an alarm so I don't miss church on the Sunday's he has to work ;o)

Maybe this is a good Air Force Wife Lesson.  I forget what number I'm on now.  But I would say I'm learning that It's not important what day of the week your husband's time off is.  It's important that you stop your normal routine and enjoy being home together (or out having fun!) as a family.  The "weekend" is just the time you get to rest together... whenever it falls! 

AF Wife Lesson #7: Get Used to Feeling Conflicted

You have to learn to balance a lot of mixed emotions.

I love the Air Force (and all the changes it's brought to our life) and I hate the Air Force (and all the changes it's brought to our life).

I can't wait to see the Aiduks and I don't want to leave the Rawleighs.

I want to be home with my husband and I want to be here visiting our families.

I want to live in Germany and I want to live in the United States.

It's a good thing life just flows on and I have little say in these matters.  Cause I honestly don't know what I would really decide at times.

Air Force Wife Lesson #6: Stay busy. It helps you keep your mind off things

Lesson #6:  Stay busy.  It helps you keep your mind off things (like how far away you are from everything you know!  And how intimidating it is to live in another country!) and helps you rack up a ton of fun memories!  Staying home is fine, but it's no fun for *all* the time! 

And this goes very well with Lesson #3 because one of the ways I've been staying busy recently is by hanging out with new friends during the day(s). 

Most recent example: this morning.  I decided to meet up with Amber at the Zoo.  (Insert explanation: I have two new Amber friends to confuse you with... this is not the one I hung out with yesterday.  That was Amber J.  This is Amber M.)  She'd invited me, and I'd declined because of a bunch of lame excuses.  But I woke up today and saw how beautiful it was outside and knew that she'd be there with other friends she wanted me to meet so I thought "We HAVE to go to the ZOO!" 

And we so we did! :o)  

I'm so glad we did!  I met two new gals (Laura and Jackie) and their kids... it was a ball with four Mommas, four *different* types of strollers, and seven kids.  So what if the girls *still* haven't fully recovered from our crazy weekend (because of yesterday's play date)?  So what if I didn't work out (been finding it harder to squeeze it in if I don't bang it out in the am)?  So what if more of my to-do list will get left undone today?

My girls are fine.  I can go for a walk or run this afternoon if I feel so inclined... or I can choose not worry about it.  And I can do those things that *need* to be done tomorrow. 

Air Force Wife Lessons #6 and #3 trump my boring daily routine :o) 

Also, God bless the creator of the GPS... for without it there's no way I'd be able to get anywhere in Germany by myself.  Ever.

Air Force Wife Lesson #5: Don't Take No for an Answer

Lesson #5:  (As you can see, I'm learning a lot lately!) 

Don't take no for an answer.  Be polite... but don't be afraid to push for what you need.  Sometimes one person may not be able to help you, but someone else can!

Example: We have a ton of paperwork and appointments going on right now.  Last night, Jess was getting a little concerned that we were cutting it too close with my medical appointment being next Thursday.  He can't get his application for his orders in until I've got that paper signed by a doctor.  And I think after that we still have one more appointment.  But the sooner he gets his orders, the sooner we can get started on the next round of paperwork and appointments... which is longer than the one we're working on!  So if we waited till next Thursday to get my medical release, he wouldn't be getting his orders until three weeks from graduation.  Not cool.

So I called the Keesler appointment hotline today to see if they could squeeze me in tomorrow.  Then he could apply for orders Friday.  No dice.  She wasn't real helpful... "no earlier appointments available, ma'am, and sorry there's nothing else I can do."

Well, hm, thought I, what would happen if I called the family medical clinic directly and explained the whole back-logged paperwork problem...

Bingo.  I'm in this afternoon.

Shout out to Ashley for letting me hitch a ride with her (she has an appt at 2:15 and mine's at 2:20!) and Bonnie for letting Lily nap at her house!

Lesson #4: Air Force Careers are Rarely 9-5 Jobs

Air Force Wife Lesson #4 comes from Mrs. Rice.  She gave some good advice:

If you think your husband is busy in tech school, just wait till he's occupational.  A military job is not 9-5.  And in the Air Force, the job has to come before family.  Not that the Air Force doesn't care about and support the military family, but the sooner you come to terms with the amount of work your man will put into this, the stronger your marriage will be.  And he will be more successful as a result!

Wise woman.

Air Force Wife Lesson #3: Jump right into friendships.

Lesson #3:  Make the most of the time you have.  Jump right into friendships.  When you meet someone cool, don't wait to hang out.  Time goes by way too fast for that.

Air Force Wife Lesson #2: Get Used to Goodbyes

Lesson #2 - Get used to goodbyes.  They happen a lot.  And always sooner than you want them to.

I guess the other side of this lesson is to learn to treasure the time you have with people.  Like your family when they visit. Or your new friend that you know you'll possibly never see again after you move in two months.

Throughout the course of our Air Force Adventure, we're going to meet lots of cool people.  That's awesome!  But we're also going to move around a lot... so handling goodbyes well is going to become a must.

And being far from family will never get any easier.

 Okay I'm off to go cry cause my family is back in New York.

Thanks for everything Dad, Mom, Brother, Bethany, and Steph.  I miss you already.  I'm glad you got home safe.  I'm sad that Jesse and I have to change all the diapers on our own now.  And I have to do my own dishes! ;o)

Love y'all.

Lesson #1: Take One for the Team

Raise your hand if you remember Air Force Wife Lesson #1!

I'll give it to ya: Deal with it darlin'. Nobody cares. Take one for the team and quit your whining ;o)

This is what I was remembering as I dealt with the aftermath of the morning rush today.







This is also what I was remembering when Jesse called to inform me that they'd had to reschedule the interview at the last minute! :o) Oy veh!!!

All that starching and ironing and hair cutting and shiny shoe buying gone to waste!

Okay, okay, so the morning wasn't a complete waste. He needed a haircut anyways (though, he usually cleans up after himself when he's not rushing) and he always shaves before work. He always has to wear Blues on Mondays, so I would have been ironing anyways (though not as carefully). And we've been talking about buying the shiny shoes for awhile. Tomorrow (for the reschedule) he'll be in his ABUs so there won't be as much prep work. And his hair is all ready to go, too!

The biggest beef I have with all this is that he went in over an hour earlier than he needed to just to cool his heels. Plus we spent the only time we had together all day tag-teaming the get-spiffy process. And now he's gotta go in early tomorrow! Sheesh!

But I'm not whining, cause I remember Air Force Wife Lesson #1 ;o)

Adjusting Expectations

I learned two things this morning. One, they're letting Jesse use his cell phone to call me. (This is great because then he won't have to wait in line for the pay phones.) Two, they can be real jerks sometimes.

Like today when they needed Jess to have me mail some paperwork overnight. No problem. Except that you can't really count a ten second conversation with the husband you haven't heard from in almost two and a half weeks as "calling home". I got all excited and was totally bummed when I realized by the tone of voice that this was a business call and he wasn't allowed to talk. So he took care of the business, told me he loved me, and had to go.

I was kind of left feeling robbed. And annoyed. And super disappointed! I mean COME ON Air Force! I don't even know if he's okay! (Well that's exaggerating a bit because he sounded just fine on the phone, besides the whole rushed part. He sounded confident...not sad or bullied or disouraged or any of that...so I guess that's good news.)

Air Force Wife Lesson #1 - Deal with it darlin. Nobody cares. Take one for the team and quit your whinning. :o)

My husband's got a job to do and the AF isn't real worried about me right now. And I need to remember that the stuff we heard through the grapevine isn't always true (example - "he'll get to call once a week") so don't fuss when it turns out different than you expect.

I'm proud of Jesse and I'm still so glad we're doing this. But that doesn't mean I'm not counting down the days till graduation (42!!!) when basic will be OVER! :o)