Imagine Living Overseas without Skype | Military Spouse Interview

photo credit: Robert Riley Skidmore

Living far away from extended family is very very hard. 

Sometimes when I'm feeling homesick, it hurts even more because the time difference means I can't even call my Mom until the afternoon! Or my girls want to Skype with family, but it's so hard to find a time that works for everyone. I hate that we haven't met our youngest nephew, yet. And after losing Lilo, I am painfully aware of the distance we are from our aging loved ones.

So yes, living OCONUS is hard.

But it could be worse. And that brings us to today's guest on the blog.

I met Jack and Mildred at Grace Studio's 4th Anniversary Party this summer and I was fascinated by their story. It got me to thinking about what it was like for them to raise their sons primarily in Germany.

I asked Mildred if I could interview her for the blog because she lived OCONUS before the days of Skype, FaceTime, and affordable international calling. 

[civilian reminder: OCONUS stands for Outside {the} Contiguous United States. Including Alaska, Hawaii, and all other countries.]

My hope is that Mildred's seasoned milspouse perspective will remind us to be grateful for the affordable technology that allows us to let our kids Skype with their grandparents on their birthdays.

Military spouses didn't always have that option! It really reminds me to count my blessings.

Here's what Mildred's experience was... 



How long was your husband in the military? 
My husband was in the Army for 29 years and 10 months.

How long were you stationed OCONUS during his career? 
Jack was OCONUS for 14 years - 1 year in Vietnam, 13 years in Germany. I was OCONUS 12 years.

How often were you able to visit your family in the States?
The first tour of 2 years was Jack’s first tour and we were too poor to go back to the states. On return tours we would try for every couple years. When ours two sons were in college we would go back every year for Parents’ Weekend.

How did you usually communicate with your family back in the States?
By mail—the telephone was incredibly expensive. There were no special telephone plans back then like now. For example, when I volunteered at Army Community Service, we had many clients who came to Financial Counseling because of exorbitant telephone bills.

What was the hardest part of living overseas?
The hardest part of living overseas was that my children did not know the value of extended family. They never really knew their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. They lived in communities that had very few older citizens and did not know the value of grandparents’ (or other older people’s) wisdom. This could be the case of most military families, stateside or overseas, but being overseas magnified the problem.  

What is your favorite family memory of living OCONUS?
Both of our children being able to graduate from the same high school-Frankfurt American High School. This is probably more a statement of the military in general, but still incredibly significant that we were in the same place that long and that outrchildren received an excellent education from DODEA. Second favorite memory is our first Christmas together in Wuerzburg, Germany. We made almost all our own Christmas decorations and had real candles on the tree.  The holidays in Germany are such magical times - Christmas markets, gluwein, new and interesting traditions, and cities that turn into fairy wonderlands are just a few examples.

If you could give one piece of advice to military spouses heading OCONUS for the first time, what would it be?
Use the incredible technology now available and research all the marvelous resources within the military community. And don't forget the resources “outside the gate”.  Include your children in this process. Then, when you set “foot on the ground”, use those resources with an open mind. Learn the language and make yourself use it on a daily basis.

Did you learn to speak the host nation's language?
I took two years of German in college, two or three German conversation courses, and completed the complete Rosetta Stone German course two times. But no, I do not speak enough German. I think the reason I do not speak German is that one must speak German every day and probably learn it from someone who speaks German every day. In addition, that person/teacher must be willing to correct you when you make mistakes and you must be willing to accept those corrections without taking it personally.

Where do you live now? What do you do?
We live in Garmisch-Parenkirchen, Germany. I am a retired civil servant-a Social Worker. I love the community where we live and am partaking in many of the things I did not have a chance to explore when I worked as a full time volunteer and later as a civil servant: healthy cooking, reading, and learning something new every day. I am also “Nana” to an almost 13 year old Newfoundland.  His care is currently at the top of my “to do” list. He is such a joy and teaching me much needed patience every day.



Mildred, thank you so much for taking the time to give us younger military spouses some great advice and a taste of what it was like for you over here. 

I know that I am encouraged to be more thankful for the technology available to me today. My hat goes off to the many years you had to spend so far from family with just the postal service to communicate. You are a hero in my book! 

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We Survived ALS!

He did it! He graduated from Airman Leadership School (ALS.)

Jesse finished five grueling weeks of class, mountains of homework, papers to write, group projects to work on, volunteering, and studying for tests... all the while surviving (barely) on about 5 hours of sleep a night!

I'm pretty proud of him. And us as a family. We somehow made it through without too much drama! (Lily and Sam called it "Daddy's work school" haha) Now it's time to get back to our regularly scheduled broadcast of panama night shifts. Which ironically sound way less intense than the last five weeks!

The graduation ceremony was really fun for me. I love seeing everyone all snazzed up in their Air Force best. I'm still a sucker for getting chill-bumps when everyone chants the Airman's Creed.

Plus do I really have to mention how nice it was to get dressed up, wear high heels, and get out of the house for the night? (HUGE thanks to Kirsten and Dana for watching Double Trouble for us!)

So CONGRATS Babe! And to everyone in his graduating class. Job well done! I tip my milspouse hat to you all... I don't know how you do it and I greatly respect you for the sacrifices you make!

Air Force Definitions | ALS. A Whole New Spin on Work-Widowhood

It's been so long since I gave my civilian readers a glimpse into the inner workings of our Air Force adventure. In part because there isn't usually much adventure going on.

But finally, FINALLY. The moment you've been waiting for. Another acronym EXPLAINED!

ALS = Airman Leadership School

Oh wait there's another one that's important to this conversation...

NCO = Non-Commissioned Officer

So, Jesse passed his super tough test for Staff Sergeant (great job Babe!) in which he has to study a whole bunch of boring AF stuff (sorry Air Force, but it's true) (mostly because I unfairly get to study super interesting stuff [to me] like photography, while my poor husband is studying Air Force regulations.) I'm so proud of him for getting Staff! It's the first promotion that you have to test for. Once you promote, you are an NCO at your squadron, with more responsibilities. From what I understand, the main one is that you become a supervisor of troops. I think.

[I sometimes worry that actual Air Force folks are going to read this blog and laugh at me and/or judge me for getting things wrong. But shhhhh don't burst my military spouse bubble. I'm doing the best I can with all of your acronym-happy lingo!]

Now a lot of folks I know have already gone through the first step of becoming an NCO. The general consensus from fellow military wives is that it sucks. 

It kind of feels lame for us as spouses to complain about things like this. I mean, we aren't the ones who actually have to pass the tests, right? But anyone who's ever had a spouse in school (or in any stressful situation for that matter) knows that it doesn't matter what you do, the squeeze of that pressure is felt by the whole family.

So it kind of went like this:

J: "I got Staff!"
me: "WOOHOOO THAT'S AMAZING YOU ROCK I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!!!!!" (I most certainly talk like this when excited)
J: "So I'll have to go to ALS before I sew on"
me: "Awesome! what's that is again?"
J: "Five weeks of leadership school."
me: "Sweet...when does it happen?"
J: "Depends. Maybe in a few months."
(two days later)
J: "Hey SURPRISE! I start ALS right-now-so-drop-everything-and-panic!"

Just kidding Jesse never panics. That's all me. And he didn't actually start right away... we had like a week's warning. So many AF wife lessons have made me better able to just roll with it. There's the momentary shock, the quick glance at the calendar to see how much flexibility this is going to require, and then you're back to whatever you're doing. Because worry won't make it better.

We're into week two of ALS. And I'm definitely already feeling like an ALS-widow. Kirsten prepared me as best she could but seriously... the best way I can describe it is that it's like tech school on steroids. It feels like he's at work for 14 hours and then when he finally gets home he has three binders work of homework to do.

Thank God it's only five weeks. And thank God I have the New York Institute of Photography course to work on. (Which by the way is a thousand times more interesting than military protocol)

To everyone who's ever gone through ALS ever: I salute you. It does not look like fun and I do not envy you.

To my husband: I love you. And I will make you your very own cheesecake when this is all over ;o)

AF Wife Lesson #12: You never know what benefits you might qualify for until you ask.

This picture pretty accurately describes my excitement level this week. Neck muscles popping, EVERY tooth showing. I've practically been bouncing around the house with butterflies in my tummy.

So what am I spazzing like a fool about?

I am an official student at the New York Institute of Photography!!!!!

But that's not all! 

I'M GOING FOR FREE!!!

So that explains the crazy face, right? Somebody pinch me!!!!!!!!! 

The whole story is that I was daydreaming out loud to Jesse about wanting to take these photography, marketing, and photoshop courses from the NYIP. Unfortunately, the business isn't making enough money yet to justify such a cost.

But the ironic thing is that now, when I'm just starting, is probably the best time to take classes... before I get busy and tell myself I "don't have time!" You can make it being a self-taught photographer, but I was craving some professional level education.

So J, smart guy that he is, reminded me to check into the scholarships available to military spouses. I tried to keep my excitement bubble small, because I was afraid that an online art school wouldn't qualify for the program. But obviously I was wrong!

I have some new Air Force acronyms for ya:

MyCAA is the military spouse career advancement accounts program.
SECO stands for spouse education and career opportunities.

Appparently MyCAA and SECO have created this scholarship program to encourage military spouses to pursue portable career fields! I had heard rumors about spouse scholarships before but I always assumed they were only for "real degrees" and I wasn't really interested in getting a bachelor's in anything. But they are intentionally trying to help us find career opportunities that can flex and move when our family has to PCS.

Like... a photography business?? YOU GOT IT.

SO here I am, just starting out on my journey to become a certified NYIP graduate! My first course is called the Complete Course in Professional Photography. 

Air Force Wife Lesson #12: you never know what benefits you might qualify for until you ask.

This is obviously going to complicate our lives a little. I'm going to have to re-evaluate my top priorities and shift some around in order to squeeze online school in! I'll have to add a few more things to the things I don't do list for this season. And my business won't be able to grow until I finish these classes I want to take. But that's fine by me!!!

So that's that. Please excuse me while I go run excited laps around my house. (just kidding, that's literally impossible with my house.) Please excuse me while I go get another hour of learning in tonight. 

I'm devouring this first unit... my nervous/excited energy has to go SOMEWHERE! ;o)

When I Grow Up: Part 2 (How I Magically Got Invited into the Doula Club)

So I met Leah through Jen.  On top of being a doula Leah is also a fantastic photographer and so her and Jen talk photography all the time... and Leah was trying to get Jen into birth photography but Jen was like "eh I don't think so... but I know just the girl for you."  Meaning me!


Leah and I were just destined to be friends anyways because we're kindred spirits in the area of hippie-ness.  Add to that we are obviously both interested in babies... and photography and cooking and other fun things.  SO the three of us have been hanging out quite a bit... she lives 2.5 minutes away from me so it makes it easy to just hop in the car for a quick picture walk, etc.

Oh, and she needed a babysitter last weekend.  Bingo.  All of her usual babysitters were out of town or busy and her husband had just gone TDY (Temporary Duty aka mini deployment for ten days) to England.

And both of her clients were in labor at the same time.  Go figure that though their due dates were two weeks apart they'd both be in labor the same weekend.  What's that they say about "if it rains it pours?" So poor Leah needed a place for her boys and I was happy to oblige.  The only sad part for me was that I wasn't going to be able to attend one of the births.

But I got to help out and have two fun boys in my house for awhile.  Boys are funny.  They do weird things that little toddler girls don't do...

...Like shout and throw balls in the house and run around outside and watch Top Gun.

And lose TEETH!  A tooth, anyways.

Easton inducted me into the tooth-fairy club ;o)  

This was pretty much how the girls were with the boys the whole weekend... in awe.  Junah and Easton were like built in live entertainment!  It was great!  

So Leah was back and forth from the hospital and her house and my house and her other client's house (one client was at LRMC and the other was a home birth).  Her client in the hospital was actually diagnosed with a dangerous syndrome so she was admitted so they could induce her labor and get the baby out as soon and safe as possible.  

Leah made sure that she was all settled into the hospital for the night and then went to attend the home birth and take pictures.  She got zero sleep that night.  But she got to watch a happy healthy baby be born.  And take lovely pictures it the experience.

But the poor girl in the hospital was really sick and everyone was pretty worried about her.

To be continued...

Happy "One Year in Germany" to Us

We've lived in Germany a year!  Which I feel is a perfect time to announce some great news...

...Our squadron is PCSing to Kapaun so we got the option to extend our DEROS by a year when we signed up for a COT! 

Aren't you so happy for us? ;o)

Sorry... I couldn't help but be annoyingly cryptic since there are SO many military terms involved!  Let's unravel that very Air Force-y sentence, shall we?  Time to brush y'all up on some AF definitions!

PCSing:  I've explained this one before.  Permanent Change of Station-ing.  AKA moving.  Since our squadron's new building is complete, they're moving bases.  Which, even though the bases are only 15 minutes apart, still means that we're (even us dependents who are not moving at all!) "moving."

Kapaun:  Our "technical" new base.  But you will here me forever after this point referring to it as Vogelweh.  Because when I go to get my mail or go to the Commissary or get gas, I tell J "I'm going to Vogelweh" because... well, I'm not sure why.  I think that it's actually a joint base of Kapaun, Vogelweh, and Pulaski.  But all of us here in the KMC (remember that one?  Kaiserslautern Military Community) just call the whole thing Vogelweh.

DEROS:  There are a couple various definitions for this one so I get to pick my favorite.  Date of Estimated Return from Overseas.  AKA how long is your tour and when are you going to to back to the States?  Our DEROS is three years from when we got here in April 2011.

COT:  Consecutive Overseas Tour.  It's pretty much self-explanatory... instead of going back to the States after our DEROS we go somewhere else in the great wide world.

So basically what I'm saying is that the Aiduk family gets an unexpected extra year in Germany! Our DEROS is now April 2015 because we opted to take that "COT" (even though it's only a PCS to Vogelweh) so we could get the extra year... and, rumor has it, some extra leave.  We're pretty excited about one more year to enjoy this house, this village, these great neighbors, these awesome friends, and this amazing country.

 Oh yeah, and squeeze in as much travel around the rest of Europe as we can!

Only a Hippie Would Be Excited About This

RYS:  Ramstein Yard Sales
Basically Craig's List in the States... but set up specifically for the Kaiserslautern Military Community.  I bought our area rug for $50.  I never really used Craig's List much, but my understanding is that they work about the same.  Someone lists something they're selling, you buy (or offer lower ;o) as I typically do) and usually go pick it up yourself.  Bingo.  Cheap deals :o)

I scored this AMAZING laundry drying rack for $10!  And she threw in about forty wooden clothespins, too!   It's metal, folds up nicely, and can hold at least a load and a half of laundry, maybe two if I'm careful with space.  So now I can more easily hang dry our clothes (don't need to worry about the weather, as it's been overcast/rainy a lot), even in the winter!  As you can see, it's pretty big.  Good thing my laundry room is huge, too! 

We'll put the money saved into our "travel Europe" fund :o) 

Some Definitions

On the economy: refers to anything off base.  Example: if I buy milk from the Commissary on base, I'm technically buying from the US.  But if I buy milk from a German grocery store, it's "on the economy".  And we live on the economy.  I'm not technically sure yet if it's cheaper for me to do our regular shopping (groceries especially) on base or on the economy.  I signed up for a class yesterday called "What's What" where they take a small group through a large German store and help you learn how to shop in Germany.  That should answer all my questions!  (Though it's not till the end of July and I need to find a sitter first!  SO stay tuned!)

Rolladens: outdoor blinds.  When fully closed, they keep the light out.  ALL the light.  As in, you can close them in the middle of the day and it will be completely dark in your room!  It's really important in the summer here because it stays light until almost 11pm!  And the sun comes up around 5am.  So it's nice to be able to make it dark (especially if you are Lily and Sam and go to bed at 7pm!)  They also use them in the winter to help keep the heat in.  And we put them down on hot days during the middle of the day when the sun in blasting into our living room windows... keeps it a little cooler.  We have manual ones in the whole house except for electric ones along the living room.  (We also have them on the outside of the doors.)  This video illustrates well:

Untangling the Bases for Ya

In case you're confused (as I was) here are the three main base names I'll be referring to often:

1.  Ramstein:  This is the biggest base in the area.  It's an Air Force Base (or Air Base, not sure what the difference is) and it's also the home of the KMCC (Kaiserslautern Military Community Complex) where there's a BX the size of a Super Walmart and a mall to go with it!  Plus a big Commissary and lots of other goodies and amenities that I have to find out about.  It's kind of the "home base" for all the bases in the area.

2.  Sembach:  Jesse's squadron - the 21st OWS (Operation Weather Squadron, I think, but don't quote me on that definition!) is currently based here.  It's about 20 minutes from Ramstein, maybe less, and is much smaller than Ramstein.  It's actually considered an Army Post now.

3.  Vogelweh:  This is the other smaller Air Base that matters in our life right now, as it's where the 21st is going to move to by the beginning of next year.  It's right outside of K-town and closer to Ramstein than Sembach. 

So as we're looking at housing locations, we're trying to aim for something that's not too far from Ramstein (where we'll do our "American" shopping) or Sembach and Vogelweh.  Gas is pricey here, so we don't want too long of a work commute for Jess. 

And that, friends, is about all you need to know about the bases... for now!

Definitions

Weather Hub:  aka "The Hub"

One of the six major regional weather forecasting stations where Air Force Weather grads spend anywhere from 15 months to three years doing intensive on-the-job training.  The six hubs are in Louisiana, South Carolina, Arizona, Illinois, Hawaii, and Germany.  (There used to be one in Japan and Alaska.)  The Hub is our next home! :o)

Definition

PDG:  Professional Development Guide

This is the most boring book in the whole wide Air Force world!  It basically covers everything from what to wear and how to wear it, who's invited to what events, the history of the Air Force, what it means to lead and how long or short you can cut your hair. 

This is what Jesse's been studying for the Airman of the Month board on Wednesday.  And it's boring.  And he has an audio version of it downloaded to the computer for our listening pleasure.  Goody.

But seriously... it's important stuff.  And it'll become his lifelong friend as long as he's in the Air Force because it's the same book you study when you're testing to be promoted later on.

So I guess this is the snooze-fest soundtrack of my life for the next few days :o)

More Definitions

AFRC:  Airman and Family Readiness Center
This is the place to go to find all the info you need... especially when you're new to a base.  I'm still learning about all they have to offer, so more on this later I expect, but basically it's where you can find answers to questions and get information about events.

Heartlink:  That cool class that I went to back in the day.  I just discovered that Heartlink serves not only as an orientation to the military for new spouses, but also as an orientation to the base for all new PCSers (I think I made that one up, too).  SO I'm super excited to know that I can attend another one in Sembach so I can get connected asap there!  YAY!!! 

Definitions

Key Spouse:  Your contact person in your squadron.  They volunteer to help out by being the go-between for the other spouses.  Mine here at Keesler (well, there are more than one in my squadron, but the one I'm most familiar with) helped me find information, get connected with people, and answered some of the bazillion questions I had about Keesler and Air Force life.  Key Spouses ROCK!


BTZ:  Below The Zone.  Usually promotions in the Air Force enlisted track are based solely on time in.  But you can apply for BTZ to get E-4 early.  That's Senior Airman.  (Jesse is currently E-3, Airman First Class).  You apply for BTZ six months earlier than you would typically get the promotion to E-4, and they look at you with that "Airman as a whole" approach, so it's really important to be a well-rounded Airman.  Getting BTZ is a goal of Jesse's, and pursuing Airman Leader (ropes) is a big part of that.


AETC:  Air Education and Training Command.  Basically, all aspects of training Airmen.  More info.  General Edward A. Rice Jr. is the Commanding AETC General and he's visiting Keesler this week.  I get to meet his wife today!

Name that Abbreviation

FMRC:  Family Member Relocation Clearance
A fun list of paperwork and doctors appointments that we're up to our eyeballs in right now.

TMO:  Traffic Management Office
A fun place Jesse's been visiting lately to determine the exact details of our move.  Mainly, are they going to pay for our travel expenses during leave?  What port can we ship our car from?  When do we get in touch with the movers?  Which stuff should go in which shipment?  Etc.

PCM:  Primary Care Manager
The doctor that Tricare (our medical) assigns to each dependent (me, the girls).  This is the person(s) who will sign our paperwork after doing a physical and chart review saying we're fit as a fiddle and ready for flight.

Not abbreviations, but still need defining:

Short Sheet:  The initial Air Force to-do list for a PCS move.  Our FMRC paperwork is part of this.

Fifteen Prior:  A person who has fifteen days left on base before their move.  Crunch time.

Night Prior:  Someone who's leaving the next day.  Bye bye time. 

Yesterday I spent a good amount of time on the phone getting information on our paperwork requirements as well as a dental appointment for myself, plus doctor appointments for all three of us.  (Side note: it *appears* that they aren't going to make a stink about the girls not being "up to date" on their shots :o) but that's not official, just what we're guessing based on a conversation with a nurse.)

Jesse didn't get home last night till after seven.  42 days till graduation and vacation... when I get to see my Red Rope on a regular basis :o) 

Definitions

APO:  Army Post Office

AE:  Armed Forces Europe

This is neat.  In order to help get mail overseas to military personnel and their families stationed there, the USPS and Department of Defense worked out this neat system.  Basically, we can have things shipped to a stateside address, which is also called our APO.  It will go to New York City, where all main destined for AE goes.  Then they'll ship it to us in Germany!

I'm still trying to figure out exactly how this works... but I guess you don't have to pay for the overseas shipping.  So, if I order something online (which I do a lot these days) then I'll have it sent to my APO address and only have to pay that shipping cost.  The rest is covered by the military.  SWEET! 

But we'll also have a post office box on the base in Sembach where all our mail will be forwarded.  And technically we'll have a German address as well, because we'll be living off base. 

Confused yet?  Good, me too! ;o) 

Definition Time!

PCS:  Permanent Change of Station
Civilian term:  Moving.  Also seen as PCS'd (as in, we PCS'd to Biloxi, MS) and PCSing (as in, we are PCSing to Germany). 

KMC:  Kaiserlautern Military Community
Refers to all the bases (Mostly Army and Air Force) in/near the city of Kaiserlautern, Germany.  Our next base is Sembach, and it's included in the KMC.

Hold Baggage:  The first shipment of your stuff to your next duty station.  Also called the "small shipment".  It usually arrives a month after you ship it and includes your small household items that you want first.  (i.e. dishes, clothes, linens and kid toys.)  The rest of your stuff (furniture, etc.) comes in your "big shipment" and arrives about two (or more... yikes!) months after you ship it.  (Your car ships separately and usually arrives in a month.)

FMO:  Furnishings Management Office
This lovely base amenity provides PCSers (I may have just made that term up!) with loaner furniture while you wait for the big shipment.  Once your stuff comes, you return it.  They also provide you with large appliances (microwave, washer/dryer, etc.) and storage closets if you live off base.  You get to keep these for your entire stay overseas.  (The storage closets are apparently because German houses typically have little to no closet space.)

RAP:  Recruiter's Assistance Program
Once you graduate from Tech School you can volunteer to take two weeks and help out at the recruiter's office that you enlisted out of.  Kind of a neat opportunity for us, as we'll get to spend two weeks in Corning without having to take any leave... as Jesse will *technically* be working.  (Though rumor has it you don't have to do much!)  So we'll be doing this in between graduation and reporting to Sembach, with some leave thrown in there somewhere so we can make it out to Cape Cod, too!

Just some of what I've been learning lately...

63 days till graduation! :o)