Sie sind meine Wunschkinder | They are My Wish Children

All the photos from this post by Kirsten Ashley Photography & Design circa April 2013
a Mother's Day Mini Session that I will treasure forever!

The Germans have a word/phrase to describe Lily and Sam...

Wunschkind

A Wunschkind is a "Wish Child," or a baby you wanted and planned to have. So early on when Julia and I started hanging out, she asked me if the girls were "wish kids" after I had explained how close in age they are. (13 months apart)

I looked at her quizzically... "what's a wish kid?" 

And once she explained it to me, my heart just melted! To have a way to perfectly describe the spacing of my kids is just so cool!

If I had a quarter for every time someone asked me if they were twins, I'd be so rich.

Also if I had a quarter for every time people asked me if their age spacing was intentional.

Which is always such an awkward question... I know it's harmless and people are just curious. But dearest stranger in the grocery store, do you really want to know the intricacies of my plan to conceive my children? Also, your stealthy stink eye isn't fooling anyone - I know you think I don't know how to use birth control. Thanks for that.

The truth is I wanted these two babies close. I wanted them badly. I didn't get pregnant with Lily right away when we started trying, like I'd hoped.

And though 3-4 months is hardly worth worrying over when trying to conceive, for someone who is so excited to be pregnant and has friends getting pregnant all around her, that negative sign on the pregnancy test still stings.

Lily's pregnancy was so awesome. And her infancy was also amazing. She was an easy baby... which DEFINITELY impacted my fateful words to Jesse, "Hey this is so great, babies are easy! Want to have another one right away?"

In hindsight, I had no idea what I was actually getting myself into. You can't be a mom for three months and honestly think you know something about what that's going to look like in two years. But hey, ignorance is bliss and one thing led to another and WOW I was pregnant way faster the second time around.

And the rest is pretty much history. Two years back to back of pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and lots of diapers... lots and lots of diapers...

But I wouldn't change it for the world! 

I love these two crazy monkeys. I call them Double Trouble for good reason. But they are also so sweet I could eat them up. They love each other so much. And I love them so much it hurts.

There have been times in the last five years (many times) where I have wondered if I bit off more than I can chew. Classic Jessica move - taking on too much at once.

But that doesn't change the fact that they are my wish children! 

Thank you, German language, for so perfectly putting that into words for me.

I Understand a Tiny Bit of Where You Bed-Sharing Parents are Coming From

Before I get started let me just say that I never NEVER allowed my babies in my bed. I was super strict about that. Even when they were right next to me for easy access nursing purposes, they were in a portable crib in my room.

But never in bed.

Never.

NEVER I SAY!

So... when your kids get to that age where they can snuggle and tell you how much they love you and let you catch a few zzzzz's... apparently that's when you get lazy.

And they smell that weakness.

Oh do they smell it.

We are like, sleep training right now? HOW. How in the heckity heck did this happen to US? Our babies have been sleeping through the night since they were 2 months old. (In their own beds I might brag) So what is going on?

I'll tell you what's going on. Momma's gotten lazy. Then Daddy was working nights for ten weeks. Somewhere in the middle of that I was doing a 30 day blogging challenge (read: staying up too late) and oh then we got slammed with sickness in November that we all passed back and forth for the whole freaking month before they were well enough to go back to school.

And what did we do most of that time?

Cut parenting corners, that's what.

We stayed in our pajamas for daaaaaays. We stayed in Momma's bed till 9am... breakfast turned into brunch most days. We somehow ended up in Momma's bed at 2am... without her noticing, since she had only gone to bed at 1am. And sometimes I'd kick them back to their room but most times I didn't.

So you know what's coming.

Now she-who-will-not-be-named is refusing to settle down to sleep at night. I'm suspicious that she's just waiting to hear me come upstairs so she can come get under the down covers and take advantage of my flannel sheets.

She-who-will-not-be-named is also coming into my room upwards of five times FIVE TIMES a night and when I tell her she needs to go back into her own bed you would think I just bought her a puppy and ripped it's head off right in front of her. Sorry. That was gross. But seriously that's the kind of heart-wrenching crying we're talking about here. It's intense. It happens at 3:30am. And again at 5am. And it takes everything in me not to cave.

I'm going to lose my mind.

#dontcave #dontcave #dontcave

I mean, she can't sleep in our bed! When will we ever have sex? (Seriously that's always been my biggest argument against bed-sharing.)

Oh but now I have a new one cause come to find out when she-who-will-not-be-named comes into my bed she turns into a magnet of sorts and it leads to a not-very-restful sleep for whichever parent she's stuck to for the night. (Usually me but sometimes J, too. Neither of us think it's awesome.)

And that magnetism also happens when the other-one somehow wakes up and realizes she-who-will-not-be-named is MIA and comes to investigate.

TWO kid-magnets all up in my sleeping space! GET OUT you adorable MONSTERS!!!

I toss and turn way too much to have two kids on the same pillow as me.

Not to brag, but we have a california king bed. And no. No it is NOT big enough for four people. Not even three.

Two. Two ADULTS sleep in this bed kids, got it?

And I swear I will stay strong for at least a week of your nighttime crying, even if it's ripping tiny holes in my heart every time I hear it at 2am, 4:30am, and wait, I stop caring at 6:15am... then I'm just getting pissed.

Moms of preschoolers who DIDN'T ever share your bed, has this ever happened to you? What do I do?

Moms of preschoolers who do share your bed, I'm sorry for ever judging you. Shame on me, cause that whole crying like a puppy just died at 2am is no joke. And I have definitely caved more than I care to admit!

Be strong everyone.

To Play or Not to Play? Why is that the Question?

As I keep working towards my goals of being a "mompreneur" I sometimes get slammed with a hefty portion of that good old Mommy-Guilt. 

I try to work as much as I can when the kids are at school or sleeping. 

That's the most common "work at home" tip I read for moms. And I get it, it's important that my kids don't always see me at the computer. 

But it's not usually possible. I'm not nearly organized enough for such a rigid routine at this point in my life.

And on top of that, in trying to make my H a priority, when he's off of work I try to be present. i.e. not on the computer. So I work in a fluctuating schedule of some days = marathon computer sessions and some days = none at all. And it seems to work fine for everyone. 

But the kids don't always have as present or active of a mom as I'd like. 

The funny thing is, I don't think they even notice.

I think to myself, "did I play with the girls today?" and when the answer's no I cringe with Mommy-Guilt. I need to snap myself out of that and look around! I'm the only one freaking out here!

I read this post from Monica Bielanko awhile back and it really really REALLY encouraged me to chill with the Mommy-Guilt. Her raw honesty about motherhood is such a relief to read! 

See, the girls are doing just fine with Momma working extra on the computer or at the photo shoots. And I still manage to take them to the park or the playground or the event or whatever... just not as often as I used to. And I'm certainly taking advantage of their budding autonomy by sitting out playtime with a coffee. Or a beer (thanks Germany!) And that's okay! As Monica says,

"They’re at the pool, aren’t they? That’s winning at motherhood in my book. Our kids are such delicate flowers that not only must everyone get a trophy every time they so much as bend a knee at an event but we need to jump in every pool and brave every waterslide instead of just looking up and waving all two-thousand times they shout MOM WATCH! MOM WATCH! MOM! MOM! MOM! LOOK AT ME! MOM, LOOK AT ME!"

So maybe I haven't been able to play as much as I'd like to. Maybe I'm not actually coloring with them (haha maybe I'm even in the corner of the room coloring in my own coloring book, which I've found very therapeutic lately!)

Maybe I'm only going down the slide twice before I tell them the rest is up to them and I'll be sitting over there in the shade with my magazine!

I'm not always working - sometimes when they're around I just need to chill! If you follow me on facebook then you saw that I'm pretty honest with them about piddling around on the great wide internet when I "should" be doing things (like putting them to bed!)

I blogged about how important it is to me to play with my girls a little every day.

But "a little every day" is so different from the crushing burden we sometimes put on ourselves that we should always be playing and never be working in front of our kids! 

I'm proud of the work I'm doing these days.

And I'm proud of the fact that my girls get to see that sometimes.

I'm also proud of them, and so grateful for them... because even if I'm only reading three bedtime stories instead of a 45 minute marathon (YAWN) they still giggle with delight and snuggle me close... and they tell me every day how much they love me. I don't even have to bribe them!

If I play with them a little, hug them a lot, read to them some, and tell them how much I love them, too, then we're all good!

And as long as I remember that, then Mommy-Guilt will die a slow and painful death!

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From This Mom to All Moms: Bad Days Happen, Even When Our Intentions Were So Good!

Dear Moms,

Don't be fooled. Just because you had a great morning doesn't mean you'll be having a great evening.

Sure, you got a lot of work done this morning, and rocked German class and a bunch of errands all in perfect time to go pick up the kids. You enjoyed your fresh tomato and mozz baquette from Globus as you rocked out to music with the windows down.

Yes, it was sunny today. So so so sunny.

Oh yeah, you thought you were going to be such a Cool Mom and surprise your kids with a trip to the Dinosaur Park... which is closing for the season on Friday. Good job you!

But wait. 

Remember that spot at the kindergarten that has a sign that says "parking forbidden" which all of you kindy moms ignore if the other spaces are full? Well, today is your lucky day to win the "no one ever gets a ticket for parking here" lottery! 

Oh and don't forget that your children are going to be super worn out from playing outside all day. And of course they're going to be super whiny and uncooperative.

As in "OHMYGOSHMOM I can't get my SHOES on all the way LETSFREAKOUT" kind of almost-5yo meltdowns. With shrieking. While Daddy is sleeping off a rough mid shift trying to sleep upstairs.

And while you think you're being smart for bringing food, you're actually retarded for bringing a new kind of cheese. Just because it has pineapple doesn't mean it's going to get rave reviews. Also, minus twenty points for thinking that it would be warm at the park just cause the sun was shining.

PS you forgot to bring the correct Euro change for the parking machine. And rather than risk another ticket you'll be making a trip into the office for change and then back out to the car.

Yay.

It doesn't matter that you're going to go down the slide three times in a row with those precious little humans you gave birth to... they're still sure as hell not going to let you sit down and enjoy that tiny cup of coffee for five minutes. No way.

One kid will get stuck at the top of some playground equipment and refuse to come down.

One kid will want to see the Dinos but the other won't.

Everyone's going to be miserable. But after sticking it out for 1.5 hours they're STILL going to complain about leaving. Loudly. Complain.

The truth is, and we all know this, sometimes being a Mom sucks. 

And that's okay cause once you get them home and in a nice warm bubble bath... and once you have some coffee... you'll all be snuggly and warm by the fire. Forgetting the whole afternoon. You will still have a lot of work to do after they're in bed. And one of them will probably wake up crying that she's got a sore throat while you're writing a blog post. But at the end of the day, it's just a day.

It was kind of a bad day. But they happen.

And while you know they'll happen again... while you know that you have so much work to do to clean up the kitchen and work on client photos and write and research and organize your professional life... you also know that your girls' fresh soapy hair smells so good as you read ten thousand bedtime stories and they snuggle up on either side of you.

Because even on the worst of days, we all know that being a Mom is as awesome as it is hard. Actually... more awesome. So much more.

And even though it didn't feel like anything about the afternoon went right, you DID take your kids to the park. You snuggled with them and read them a million stories even though you were tired and had a lot to do.

Cut yourself some slack.

Love and goodnight,
    Jess... another Mom in the trenches just like you

Sleepy Sam | Slow Down, We've Got Time Left to be Lazy...

This is what mornings look like lately. [Courtesy of my iPod Touch.]

I've never been into co-sleeping. I don't know how baby #2s are born if baby #1 sleeps with mom and dad. But that's none of my business. All I know is that it's my business that neither of my babies shared a bed with us. The kids slept in their own spaces. 

(Now when they were teeny-tiny and needed breast-milk every five minutes, they slept in a pack 'n play in our room. But never in our bed.)

Things are different at this age. Now, my husband spends half of his time working shifts that means he doesn't even get to sleep at night with me. And both of our children are great sleepers. But they're just growing up so fast. On the weekends, I like to have lazy afternoon naps with them... I force them both to snuggle with me on the pull out couch in the toy room. And with J working nights, I try to stay up as late as I can and of course that means I don't really want to wake up early with the monkeys!

Sam has always been my snuggly-bug. And my morning-girl. Lily has always been the one who wants to sleep in. Who am I to argue if Sam wants to wake up early every day and come snuggle with me for an hour so BOTH Lily and I get to sleep in a little? (Sometimes she even falls back to sleep! Mostly she lets me fall back to sleep as long as I periodically rub her back!)

Try as I might I can't get Lily to come snuggle with me in the mornings. I guess she wants her own space and her own alone-time to power on for the day! To each her own :o)

So like I said, this is what morning have been looking like lately. Things will change soon when Daddy's on days again. But for now, this is the life! 

On Dinosaurs, Quality Time, and Looking like a Dork as I "Weeeeee!!!" Down Little Kids' Slides

The dinosaurs are out of winter hibernation and our season pass to the Dino Park and the Japanese Gardens has already seen good use. Sam is still OBSESSED with dinosaurs... preferring dino movies/books/and toys to most others. 

And while you would think the appeal of the dino park would lose it's charm after the first 135 visits, apparently it's unbelievably exciting to see the dinosaurs every week... oh to be 3 and 4 again ;o)

This is a pretty cool stage of parenting. Not only is there light at the end of the potty training tunnel, but the girls are able to do more, express more, and communicate more. I love it!

With all this big-girl-ness going on, it's hard to resist the temptation to constantly let them play by themselves. I am by no means planning on being their entertainment, but I am almost done reading The 5 Love Languages of Children and I realized that I would like to work in more intentional quality time with the girls each day.

I've been amazed at the difference in the girls' after just a few weeks of Mommy being more involved... just a little goes a long way! I have been playing with barbies, cooking at the toy kitchen, sliding down slides that aren't really made for someone my size, and playing "soccer".

The benefits of daily quality time are obvious... but I am guilty of letting days go by where I don't play. Or taking them to the playground and parking my tush on the bench while they played and I read. Not that I don't bring a book to the Dino Park... I mean, Momma can only handle so much playtime ;o) But I do notice that everyone seems happier and more affectionate lately. I hope it's because we're all feeling the love!

["Okay everyone smile and look at the camera!" Or not.]

So three cheers for the reminder to be a more fun and involved Mom. And seeing the difference it makes in my kids! And three cheers for the Dino Park, which provides 4 hours of afternoon playtime in the sun while Dad is able to sleep (thumbs down for mid-shift) and Momma doesn't have to be a shhh-monster! 

Also, confession: When I'm at the park without backup and I have to convince them to leave without tears, I completely resort to bribery! But let's call it motivation ;o) "Hey girls, it's time to go... DO YOU WANT A POPSICLE ON THE WAY OUT???" ha.

Me: (exasperated) "Come on Lily, SMILE BIG for me!"
Lily: (equally exasperated) "I CAN'T Mooooom. I don't have as big a MOUTH as you!"

Fair point ;o) I love these two crazy girls!

The Saga Continues: In Which I Try Desperately Hard Not to Get My Potty Training Hopes Up

So. So... I have a chronic problem of getting my hopes up way too soon in pretty much all areas. But if you've been reading for the past two years you know potty training has NOT gone according to said "me getting my hopes up."

I blame Lily.

And yes, I'm allowed to blame her. I earned that right when I gave birth to her and also when I got her pee on my hands for the 504,892nd time. (I will blame Sam, too, but mostly it's Lily, and here's why)

You see, Lily totally played me when she daytime trained BEFORE TWO YEARS OLD and in like two weeks! "This is so easy!" I thought. Psssssht.

Okay so now I know better. You can stop laughing at me. BUT. But...

Last night both my Potty Princesses woke up dry. In panties. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

Okay this is me reeling it in and reminding myself that because I'm risking a small blog post about this they'll probably both pee tonight but whatever, this is exciting! Lily was the one who finally asked to wear panties at night! And so we plunged ahead with both of them just to see how it'd go!

A HUGE difference now is that both of them wake up after wetting the bed. They are upset, they are grossed out. This may not sound like a good thing, but it is. Because last time we tried this cold turkey business Lily would get a rash on her whole body from sleeping through the accident until morning. So yes, I am hopeful that this is a good sign. 

I kind of feel like I'm cheating a little because I wake them up for a brief potty visit before I go to bed and then I decided to start setting my alarm for 4am to catch Sam... after she woke up wet pretty consistently for a few days in a row between 5-6:30am. But then I thought back to when I was daytime training them and I literally forced them to just TRY to sit on the potty about every half hour for the first few days till they got the hang of the routine. So I'm viewing this 4am thing like that. Just helping her get in the habit.

And it sure beats soggy pull-ups and/or extra loads of pee-pee laundry.

You know you're a mom when a) you talk about pee in public (hi, internet!) and b) you celebrate lack of pee. Three cheers for Double Trouble! I shall resist day-dreaming about throwing the rest of the pull-ups in the garbage and making plans for the potty-party!

It's not over till it's over! ;o)

Sugar and Spice and Everything... Slimy.

I always chuckle when I hear people's assumptions about life with two little girls... especially when said assumptions imply that all my life is glitter and gold and peace and quiet.

Now there IS quite a lot of glitter in my life. I find glitter in every corner of the house, including [most humorously] the toilet seat and My Love's facial hair.

But there are other things... not so glittery things...

So they're in the "collecting stage" of childhood. The one where you have to be careful what random piles of paper or sticks you throw away because *gasp!* "Mom!!!! That's my COLLECTION!"

And that my friends, is the nastiest collection ever. All over our back window sill.

Now I'm certainly not complaining, because the hunting down and collecting of all of these snails from the various dark corners of our yard has so far provided hours of entertainment for my Monkeys. I will keep my slightly squeamish girly-girl thoughts to myself ;o) 

I will not, however, let those chubby little fingers touch me until AFTER they've washed their hands! Cause snails gross me out.

*let's have a tiny moment of silence for the snails that have perished from rough handling*

I guess the moral of this story is that little girls are still gross I hate snails my girls are exploring nature and that's super cool!

I'm Like a Deer in Headlights. Or, How Lily is Teaching Me What True Beauty Is.

Lily's been asking some really hard questions lately...

"Mom, am I bew-ful?" [beautiful]
"Mom, do you yike dis dress, is is bew-ful?
"Dad, yook, I'm a princess... a bew-ful princess! Do you yike me?"

She's even gone so far as to ask "Will they yike me at school with this dress?"

When she first started showing us that she was concerned what others thought of her appearance I wanted to run for the hills. Seriously, I almost choked on my coffee. I just wasn't ready! 

See, I thought I had years YEARS I tell you! I was supposed to figure out ahead of time how to teach and explain to my [much older] daughter all about good godly character and how it's WHO WE ARE not WHAT WE LOOK LIKE that makes us beautiful.

But she's just four! And she's wearing a blue princess dress. And you know what? I think she IS beautiful! One of the most beautiful creatures in the world!

So when she asks if she's bew-ful, everything in me wants to shout "YES BABY! You are sooooo beautiful I just LOVE your dress and you have the prettiest crown EVER and let me smooch your cheeks cause you're just so. darn. BEAUTIFUL."

But I know I have to stop. (Or at least reel it in somewhat) Because now I see that she's already old enough and now is the time... now is the time to talk about what really makes us pretty. I remember watching this video awhile back. It still gives me chill bumps.

My four year old is already picking up on our culture's obsession with outward appearance. And I'm her first line of defense. And oh boy you guys should SEE how terribly I screw up these conversations!

I stutter and stammer my way through what I hope are coming out as age-appropriate sentences that explain the vastly complex situation we're facing here... and I feel like she's thinking this...

So yeah. Thank God these conversations will happen often and will change in complexity over the years. Just like our conversations about what a man's you-know-what is for. Ahem. Yep, that's already happening, too.

I'm trying to be mindful of what character qualities make us beautiful... I'm drawing more attention to things I see in myself that I want them to emulate.  But it's surprisingly hard! Because no matter how much you try to think you DON'T buy into culture's message of "external beauty trumps all", you do. At least a little. At least I do.

So it's kind of interesting actually... I'm re-learning what makes me beautiful as I try to teach my daughters about beauty. "Mommy is smart and always trying to get smarter. Mommy loves to read, do you want to read with me?" "Mommy is strong and working out to get stronger. Do you want to do yoga with me?" "Mommy is kind and caring and friendly and sacrifices time for others..."

...and these things are more beautiful than what her makeup looks like or what clothes she has on or what the number on the scale is this month. 

If I sound overly dramatic here, fear not. We don't take ourselves too seriously in this family. And I'm not throwing out my makeup or ditching all our Disney movies.

We are always striving for balance... and with the mother they have (hi, I'm Jessica, and I tend towards extremes in all areas of life!) they are going to be constantly learning THAT right along with me, too!

So yes, my girls will grow up knowing Momma likes to wear makeup and high heels when she goes out. But they will also hopefully see many many more instances of a joyful inner strength of character. One that serves and cares for others, instead of being afraid of opinions or appearances!

Whew, Lily. You're making me think all deep here!

*deer in headlights!!!*

My Top 5 Reasons Toy Rooms are AWESOME

#1.  Almost all the toys are out of my sight. 

#2.  The girls seem to be doing better at solo play (i.e. without Momma around) for longer periods of time.

#3.   Almost all the toys are out of my sight.

#4.  When they are desperate to watch a kiddie movie and I am desperate not to hear Little Foot's whiny voice one. more. time... well, they get to watch a movie in the toy room! Everyone wins!

#5.  Almost all the toys are out of my sight! 


Did I mention the toys are out of sight? Yeah, it's pretty awesome. I am tempted to worry that I'm teaching them bad habits by letting them leave the room an absolute disaster most days, but let's be real... I used to let them leave my living room an absolute disaster most days. So at least J and I feel like we have a little more adult space going on.

Speaking of adult space we stole the big upstairs bedroom from the girls and moved them into the smaller room. But they don't seem to mind cause they got a toy room out of the deal ;o)

I seriously used to be so jealous of moms who had toy rooms. So far I'm loving it. And the girls seem to love it to! We're still using the method of switching toys out periodically... otherwise there would just be wall to wall toys in there and it would be overwhelming to clean, if we ever felt so inclined.

So about once a week we box up some of the toys and get out some new ones. The dress up clothes. The barbies. The "boy toys" (what they call all the dinosaurs, cars, tools, etc. haha)

Three cheers for a little less chaos in my living room! 

Like Butter Scraped Over too Much Bread

We made the decision that it would be best for our family if we sent BOTH girls to German Kindergarten starting this month.  And I'm even more excited about it than Sammy... which makes me feel guilty.  

[This is a confession post.  A reminder that I'm not "supermom".  It's not that big a deal, I'm just thinking out loud.  I'm having a bit of writer's block (and photographer's block) lately, so I just decided to sit down tonight and write what I've been thinking... no need to bombard me with encouragement about "how great of a mom I am"... again, just thinking out loud.  I know I'm exactly the right Momma for Lily and Sam.]

So starting on Monday, I'll be taking Double Trouble to preschool each morning and they'll stay there each afternoon until 2pm.  This, for those of you non-mommas out there, is an unfathomable amount of child-free time for me.  Like, I just can't quite wrap my head around it.

But I won't be jumping into any new hobbies or catching up on any big projects.  I won't be spending hours and hours growing my photography business or starting new creative ventures.

In fact, I'll probably be curled up in front of the fire next to My Love.  Because this month, mornings are his evenings, and that's the main reason Sam is going to school.

But there's something else...

It's not easy to admit you don't want your kids around all the time.  

I mean DUH even the most patient mom in the world doesn't want her kids around ALL the time.  But we don't usually say it out loud.  We say things like "I totally love being a stay-at-home-mom!" or "I can't WAIT to start homeschooling!" ... when, at least for myself, it would be more accurate to say "some days most days, my kids make me want to gouge my eyes out with their incessant preschool-ness" or "maybe... maybe I'm not cut out to homeschool my kids after all if I'm jumping up and down at the thought of them going to kindergarten for five hours...?"

Sometimes being a mom sucks.  Sometimes you wake up and realize you are doing a terrible job at balancing your priorities and everyone in the family is suffering for it.

Just keeping it real here ladies.  I post a lot about how much I love my kids and how much fun we have and all the cool projects we do and trips and blah blah BLAH... I don't post about the days I hate myself because I let my kids zombie out in front of 5 movies just because I didn't want to answer one. more. question.

In the spirit of this blog having a LOTR title theme, I'm going to agree with Bilbo... "I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread."

I need to be a better best friend to my husband.  A less cranky, impatient mom to my girls.  And if German kindergarten can help with that, so be it.

I haven't completely given up on homeschooling... I sure do LOVE the idea.  But I've embraced the fact that homeschooling would be a bad fit for me right now, and therefore a bad fit for my family.

Also, let's be honest, kindergarten is essentially organized PLAYTIME and the girls are going to LOVE it!  The cultural exposure is going to be awesome for them.  EVERYONE wins in this situation!  Time to embrace outsourcing and let my kids drain a bit of energy out of someone else M-F.  It will give me some seriously needed time.

Time to reconnect with my husband, when he's home.  (Lunch dates!  A quiet house!  WOOT!)  Time to reconnect with myself, when he's not.  (Photography!  Reading!  WOOT!)  Time to grocery shop without stressful interruptions.  Time to cook and clean and otherwise be a domestic goddess... so that when my monkeys ARE home in the afternoon, I'm ready for them.

I want to be ready for story time and play dough and crafts and Mommy's-actually-available-for-you time.  

I'm hoping for less statements like "No, Momma can't play with you I need to finish the dishes before dinner prep" and more PLAYTIME because the dishes will be done and the dinner will be in the slow cooker.

I'll still feel guilty sometimes.  It's probably a mom-thing.  We sure do beat ourselves up over the decisions we make, don't we?  Even though we know sometimes our expectations are unrealistic and cause unnecessary stress on the family... we still feel like we disappoint (ourselves, if not them) when we can't be supermom.

So hey if anyone out there is feeling 50% excited and 50% guilty about a parenting decision that's going to make your life so much easier, I'm right there with ya.  Right now, I'm re-learning that making my marriage a priority over my preschoolers is going to benefit them far more than any homeschooling awesomeness I could come up with.  And I'm reminding myself that it's totally okay that I can't keep up with the energy level of a 3 and 4-year-old right now!

What are you learning or re-learning?  High-five to you tired moms out there.  Hang in there, you're doing great.  Need proof? just look at the way your little one lights up when you're around.  Those suckers totally love us, no matter WHAT we decide to do about preschool!  

Why the Radio Silence

 

I've made an executive decision to take a blog break this holiday season.  

Momma's gonna take extra time for the most important things.

Blogs are great.

Pictures are great.

Traditions are great.

But kids are not little very long.  

And busy mommies sometimes need time-outs to reconnect and remember that.

I wish you all a very very Merry Christmas 

and I thank you for your encouragement and support of our little Aiduk Adventure.  

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!

The 6 Stages of Potty Training Double Trouble

Potty training these two has not turned out how I would have expected.  But I'm trying to remind myself that "how I would have expected" is only because I'm comparing my kids to other people's kids.  

And my kids are not their kids.

Specifically, THIS KID is not their kid.  Lily is proving to be a difficult one.  She's made me feel like potty training is going to go on forever!  Which is so strange because she rocked Stage 1.

To clarify, I have found that there are 6 Stages of potty training in this house.  It's what happens when your kids are 13 months apart:

Stage 1:  Train kid #1 to stay dry during the day
Stage 2:  Train kid #1 to stay dry during naps
Stage 3:  Train kid #2 to stay dry during the day
Stage 4:  Train kid #1 to stay dry during the night
Stage 5:  Train kid #2 to stay dry during naps
Stage 6:  Train kid #2 to stay dry during the night

We are happy to announce that Sammy has completed Stage 5!  She got 12 stickers on her dry-nap chart and we're going to a family movie this weekend to celebrate her success!

But I have to confess it frustrates me that Lily has stalled out at Stage 4.  I wanted Stages 4 and 5 to happen at the same time so we'd be down to one diaper at night for Sam.  But Lily just doesn't seem to be able to do it.  I'm relatively sure it's that she sleeps through the urge to get up and go potty at night.

In almost a month of night-training for Lily, she's only gotten 4 stickers for dry  nights.  And some of those stickers only happened because one of us woke her up for potty breaks in the middle of the night!

For the first three weeks of it we tried cold-turkey... and I changed her sheets at least once a night if not more.  Fun (annoying) fact: she started to pee in her bed and then get up, change her panties, and relocate to Sammy's bed. And then she proceeded to pee in Sam's bed, too.  So on more than one occasion I was changing both sheets.

We took a break from training during hand-foot-mouth disease week.  In which time I discovered that the off-brand pull ups cost the same as the off-brand diapers I was using.  So we started trying again... this time with pull ups.  So Lily has the option to use the potty at night on her own, and Momma doesn't have to do as much pee-pee laundry.

Sometimes I suspect Lily and Sam will night-train together.  And I don't know why that bothers me! When I gave Lily her first pull up this time around, it took about 2.5 seconds for Sam to take her diaper off while Lily was taking a potty break.  You try telling a two and a half year old that she is supposed to pee in her diaper when her big sis gets to use "Panty Diapers" (as Sammy calls them) ...and use the potty whenever she wants.  Yeah, right.  They act like potty breaks at night are a privilege!  

And yet, no one really stays dry.  They just drive me crazy taking 20 bathroom breaks from 7-8:30 when they're supposed to be sleeping.  At least they're trying!

So I guess it's pull ups for all, for now!

It's a process, right?  Every kid is different, right?  I'm trying to get a thicker skin about potty training.  I get comments from other Moms... surprised, almost condescending comments about how I should try this and such trick with Lily.  Or how their 8-month-old stays dry all night.  Surely they're exaggerating or their kid is just a super-baby.  

But my two are happy to pee in their pull ups most nights.  And even though Lily is approaching her 4th birthday, I have to be okay with that.  You can lead a 3 and a half year old to the potty at night, but you can't make her pee.  My day for the Potty Party will come.  And it will be a glorious celebration.  I'm thinking of adding a pull-up-burning to the list of activities ;o)

So to any other Mommas out there who are getting impatient with their potty trainees, I'm with ya.  But let's keep being patient, okay?  Our Monkeys don't seem to care, so why should we?

Three cheers for letting kids be kids.  And not stressing the small stuff.  In five years I won't even care about potty training or diapers or pull ups or wiping anyone else's butt.  And I'll look back at myself during this stage and chuckle.

This is a short parenting stage.  And I can handle it.  Stage 4 and Stage 6 will be completed at exactly the right time. When my girls are ready!  In the meantime, I'm going to channel my inner chill-Mom and stop trying to force things.

Good Reads: the Kid (and Momma) Edition

We've been really enjoying our story times lately.  I didn't make as much time for it with friends and family visiting, but usually we read together every day.  It's something special I really treasure doing with them... especially since I feel like I've been waiting FOREVER for them to get interested in reading with me!

When Lily was born I was very upset with the realization that she did not, in fact, come out of the womb being interested in picture books.  What the heck.  I thought it was highly unfair that I had gobs and gobs of fantastic books and a baby who didn't give a hoot.  But now the wait is over!  The girls will snuggle up on the couch and read with me for up to an hour.

If only I could take a few shots of espresso before we start!  The yawns get distracting after about 20 minutes ;o) but I still suffer through cause it's really important.

I always knew that reading out loud to my kids was great for exposing them to rich language, giving them a head start on being lifelong readers, and that it was just plain cozy and fun... but what I didn't realize until recently was just how influential a good book can be in teaching an important life lesson for my children.

Two books that I highly want to recommend are Tea for Ruby and In My Heart .

Tea for Ruby is all about how Ruby has been invited to tea with the Queen... and she learns some very important lessons in manners and she prepares for the big tea party.  I got this book for the girls because it's illustrated by one of our favorites (Robin Preiss Glasser also illustrates the Fancy Nancy series) and it was sheer accident that it was on manners.

Now of course I'm trying to teach my kids manners.  But they're still pretty little and they don't really get what the word "rude" means.  Until one day I mentioned at the table that Lily needed to stop talking with her mouth full of food, and she excitedly pipes in "Like Ruby?"  BRILLIANT!  Yes, Lily, don't be rude like Ruby... remember how in the book she was talking with her mouth full?  We want to use our manners like she learned how to do!  

We've had many conversations like this about everything from interrupting, to waiting our turn, to saying please & thank you.  And I'd like to thank Ruby for really driving those points home for my girls!

In My Heart is one of the many gems that I've just discovered in my own home.  We've been super blessed by receiving boxes and boxes of children's books from people, not to mention two very generous sets of grandparents.  So I really have no clue where this particular book came from.  But I love it.  

It's about a darling little boy who's Momma tells him that all throughout the day, when they're apart, she thinks of him and knows that he's "in her heart".  This one has brought up quite a few awesome conversations...

First, we get to talk about how Mommies can work just like Daddies.  Since I'm a SAHM and my kids think I'm super awesome, duh of course they assume that "only dads go to work".  The mom in this book is a veterinarian, so not only do we get to talk about animal doctors, but we get to talk about how anyone can work anywhere.  Mommy just chooses to work at home with you ;o) 

Second, we get to talk about race and ethnicity.  This is really important to me because after reading Nurture Shock I learned that white parents are statistically the most likely to leave "race conversations" until far too late in a child's development.  In their fascinating chapter "Why white parents don't talk about race" Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman discuss some really fascinating studies about how children interpret skin color from an early age.  Kids are developmentally prone to in-group favoritism.  And they love to sort and categorize everything in their life.  It was a big eye opener for me to read that if no one EXPLICITLY talks to your child about race by third grade, they will have already formed their own (often incorrect) conclusions about people who have skin that is different from their own.

Kids notice differences in skin color way earlier than we realize.  And they don't know how to talk about it unless we teach them.  The day after we had a play date with a black girl, Lily woke up the next morning and told me she wanted to play with her "blue friend"... I was so confused.  But that was our first conversation about skin color... I think she wasn't even three, yet.

Research shows that in order to be effective, conversations about race have to be specific and in terms children understand.  You can't wave the magic wand of "everyone's equal" to a three-year-old.  They don't yet know what equal means!  But they will (probably) understand when you say it's wrong to choose someone as your friend because their skin is the same as yours... or to not be friends with someone who has different skin.

That's why I love this book so much.  The main character is adopted, so you get to talk about how families, friends, coworkers, and teachers can all have skin that is different than us.  It's just like different hair styles or clothes.

The other funny thing is that I don't think the author intended that as the "main point" of the book.  But that's what my kids and I are taking away from it! 

What have I been reading lately?  It's not all about the picture books, folks!

One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are  Her writing on living a more thankful life was like poetry to my grumpy soul.

Marriage Adventures: The Secret to an Extraordinary Life Together  Written by a very dear friend of mine, Carrie Starr.  On how to make your first marriage your only marriage.  LOVE IT!

The Vegetable Gardener's Bible  I so wish I had purchased this before we planted this year ;o) but I'm still learning a ton. No more "googling and guessing" my way through the gardening season(s)!!

The Robe  A re-read for me.  But I figured it was time to pull a delicious-smelling-classic off of our shelf and I just love this book so so so much.  (For the awesome story and writing, not just the smell.)

Happy reading everyone!  I wish you a cozy evening snuggled up with a good book.  Or early morning. Or mid afternoon with two kids squished up next to you.