Inspiring Quote | Happy Fall

A friend shared this quote on facebook this week and I just can't get it out of my mind....

"Live each Season as it passes - breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each." - Henry David Thoreau

The "resign yourself" could be interpreted in a negative light but it actually makes me feel pretty peaceful when I look around me at the changing season(s) (of fall and of life) and just truly soak everything in and embrace it!

We all know that fall is a beautiful time of year.

There are certain comforts that come with the changing of the seasons... but since moving to Germany, fall has become a little difficult for me.

You see, I hate the cold and I hate the dark. And fall comes before winter. And winter here is pretty much nothing but cold and dark.

But I don't want to miss out on the beauty of this season because I'm conflicted about the next season!

So I'm "resigning myself" to fall, and whatever comes next! 

How about you? Can you use a little dose of good old Henry's wisdom? Any other fellow residents of Germany (or anywhere else!) struggle with this?

Flipping the Coin

I just celebrated my birthday, and a wonderful birthday it was. (Every mother of young children longs for those rare "days off" of being pampered and spoiled to death and My Love nailed it!)

Turning 27 isn't that important. Or at least, it doesn't feel very exciting.

Or is it?

My parents love to tell the story of my first moments of life. After a grueling labor and delivery, my Mom was finally able to recover and my Dad was handed his first child, a healthy baby girl. And he says I stared at him. Literally. Moments after birth, my eyes were wide open, almost expectant.

He likes to say it was my first "what's next?" look. 

So what's next?

Learning to stop constantly asking "what's next?" is what's next! Let me explain...

"I think that our deepest darknesses are always the other side of the coin of our brightest selves." 

-Shauna Niequist (from her awesome book Bittersweet )

What's next for me is flipping the coin of my life and seeing how to better embrace the brightest part of me (excitement for life) while letting go of the dark part (fun fact: even a stay-at-home mom can be a workaholic.)

All of life is a balancing act. And I'm almost never balanced. I'm starting to think this is a relatively normal human problem. But for me, it's a chronic issue, one I've mentioned about a billion times on this blog. Almost every time I melt into a puddle of tears it's because some area of my life has tipped way way to the extreme on the not-balanced side of things.

Oops again!

I'm going through some really hard internal lessons right now... inside me, inside my marriage, inside my family. Some of these lessons have been painful, some are confusing even still, and some are complicated and not yet worked out. Like I haven't even scratched the surface.

But it's good. So so good. Good enough that I want to tell you about some of the lessons. Because they're shaping me into a slightly different, better version of myself. 

So Happy Birthday to ME!

This shall be a year of internal tweaking. Slowing down. Laying it all out on the table and deciding what to keep and what to let go. Being okay with some parts of myself, and stretching the other parts in good ways.

Flipping the coin, finding balance, all that jazz.  Stay tuned for more "life lessons from Jessica's life lessons", coming soon to a blog near you!

Like Butter Scraped Over too Much Bread

We made the decision that it would be best for our family if we sent BOTH girls to German Kindergarten starting this month.  And I'm even more excited about it than Sammy... which makes me feel guilty.  

[This is a confession post.  A reminder that I'm not "supermom".  It's not that big a deal, I'm just thinking out loud.  I'm having a bit of writer's block (and photographer's block) lately, so I just decided to sit down tonight and write what I've been thinking... no need to bombard me with encouragement about "how great of a mom I am"... again, just thinking out loud.  I know I'm exactly the right Momma for Lily and Sam.]

So starting on Monday, I'll be taking Double Trouble to preschool each morning and they'll stay there each afternoon until 2pm.  This, for those of you non-mommas out there, is an unfathomable amount of child-free time for me.  Like, I just can't quite wrap my head around it.

But I won't be jumping into any new hobbies or catching up on any big projects.  I won't be spending hours and hours growing my photography business or starting new creative ventures.

In fact, I'll probably be curled up in front of the fire next to My Love.  Because this month, mornings are his evenings, and that's the main reason Sam is going to school.

But there's something else...

It's not easy to admit you don't want your kids around all the time.  

I mean DUH even the most patient mom in the world doesn't want her kids around ALL the time.  But we don't usually say it out loud.  We say things like "I totally love being a stay-at-home-mom!" or "I can't WAIT to start homeschooling!" ... when, at least for myself, it would be more accurate to say "some days most days, my kids make me want to gouge my eyes out with their incessant preschool-ness" or "maybe... maybe I'm not cut out to homeschool my kids after all if I'm jumping up and down at the thought of them going to kindergarten for five hours...?"

Sometimes being a mom sucks.  Sometimes you wake up and realize you are doing a terrible job at balancing your priorities and everyone in the family is suffering for it.

Just keeping it real here ladies.  I post a lot about how much I love my kids and how much fun we have and all the cool projects we do and trips and blah blah BLAH... I don't post about the days I hate myself because I let my kids zombie out in front of 5 movies just because I didn't want to answer one. more. question.

In the spirit of this blog having a LOTR title theme, I'm going to agree with Bilbo... "I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread."

I need to be a better best friend to my husband.  A less cranky, impatient mom to my girls.  And if German kindergarten can help with that, so be it.

I haven't completely given up on homeschooling... I sure do LOVE the idea.  But I've embraced the fact that homeschooling would be a bad fit for me right now, and therefore a bad fit for my family.

Also, let's be honest, kindergarten is essentially organized PLAYTIME and the girls are going to LOVE it!  The cultural exposure is going to be awesome for them.  EVERYONE wins in this situation!  Time to embrace outsourcing and let my kids drain a bit of energy out of someone else M-F.  It will give me some seriously needed time.

Time to reconnect with my husband, when he's home.  (Lunch dates!  A quiet house!  WOOT!)  Time to reconnect with myself, when he's not.  (Photography!  Reading!  WOOT!)  Time to grocery shop without stressful interruptions.  Time to cook and clean and otherwise be a domestic goddess... so that when my monkeys ARE home in the afternoon, I'm ready for them.

I want to be ready for story time and play dough and crafts and Mommy's-actually-available-for-you time.  

I'm hoping for less statements like "No, Momma can't play with you I need to finish the dishes before dinner prep" and more PLAYTIME because the dishes will be done and the dinner will be in the slow cooker.

I'll still feel guilty sometimes.  It's probably a mom-thing.  We sure do beat ourselves up over the decisions we make, don't we?  Even though we know sometimes our expectations are unrealistic and cause unnecessary stress on the family... we still feel like we disappoint (ourselves, if not them) when we can't be supermom.

So hey if anyone out there is feeling 50% excited and 50% guilty about a parenting decision that's going to make your life so much easier, I'm right there with ya.  Right now, I'm re-learning that making my marriage a priority over my preschoolers is going to benefit them far more than any homeschooling awesomeness I could come up with.  And I'm reminding myself that it's totally okay that I can't keep up with the energy level of a 3 and 4-year-old right now!

What are you learning or re-learning?  High-five to you tired moms out there.  Hang in there, you're doing great.  Need proof? just look at the way your little one lights up when you're around.  Those suckers totally love us, no matter WHAT we decide to do about preschool!  

Food: One of My Favorite Details of Daily Life

"The true secret of happiness lies in the taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life."
(William Morris, quoted by Gretchen Rubin in Happier at Home )

When I read this quote I immediately thought of food... how I love to be in the kitchen creating.  The sights, smells, flavors.  The looks on people's faces when they experience something new or taste something wonderful.  I love these things.  I think that's one of the reasons I love to photograph food so much.  The pictures draw me into the moments that I love!

If I could get paid to take pictures of food I would pee my pants!  I've been itching to share these pomegranate pictures with you ever since I took them!  I was opening them up around Christmas time and I just couldn't stop myself from doing a little "pomegranate photo shoot"... because they are just so pretty!

When I got pomegranates at Christmas for everyone's stocking I literally had to consult the great youtube to figure out how to get the sucker open properly.  This is the best and easiest method I found.  Worked like a charm!

I think I've purchased, opened, and consumed one pomegranate in the last five years... mostly because the work involved (before I knew this easy method) was a bit too much in my opinion (also because I don't love the taste and crunch of the seeds that much haha!)  But my kids just loved the "pogamite" seeds... so we'll keep it a fun Christmas tradition! They are super good for us and all.  And pretty.  

Pretty food is the best food.  I hope you're able to take special interest in the details of your daily life today.  Enjoy it. Take a picture of it.  Savor it.

Pictures: Mommy AND the Girls

First, let me just fill you in on our morning so far.  This blog post is being started on the bathroom floor... though it will probably be finished on the kitchen counter because the bath can only distract them for so long ;o)  They were up at the ungodly hour of 6:15am this morning!  This is not normal for my 7:30/8 am risers.  But there's a good reason: MORE POTTY TRAINING.

The saga of the Potty Princess (original version) continues.  Jesse and I made an executive decision this weekend that we needed to give cold-turkey another try with Lily.  So she's going to bed sans diaper for both naps and bedtime.  I'm doing a lot of extra loads of laundry and she's getting lots of extra baths.  But we're going to give it some time cause we think she has it in her to master this.  She has access to the stool in the upstairs bathroom and she's much more independent on the potty than she was last time we tried this.  So we'll see if it works this time!  *fingers crossed*

Anyways, that's why they were both up before I'd even gotten a chance to get on the computer... instead of quietly sneaking into the bathroom to pee on her own Lily turned on their bedroom light and started talking to Sam about how she'd peed a little in her bed.  (Only a little this time instead of a lot, so that's good!)

So we're starting this Monday nice and early!  Thankfully, I was up early enough to get in a cup of coffee and prayer time.  With one more cuppa and an early nap for them, we should be able to survive the day!

Back to our regular scheduled broadcast...

My wonderful Mother-in-law posted this great article on facebook the other day and it really hit home in my heart. Because I know that, as a budding photographer, I have a much greater tendency to take pictures OF my kids but rarely get in pictures WITH them.  And I don't want that to become a habit.

So I put it into practice this week.  The above photo was taken by a stranger to document our trip to the Japanese Gardens aka "Fishy Park".  And I'm not wearing makeup.  And my hair is a bit messy after a hurried shower (at least I showered that day ha!) and the girls have grumpy faces on.  But I still love this photo.  And I know one day the girls will love it, too.

I took some with our pocket camera after a bath earlier in the week... I love bath time with them because when they get out they still want to snuggle with me.  And is there anything more cozy than a snuggly baby that smells squeaky clean?  Lily especially always says "Hold me like baby Momma" after baths.  It's a sweet little tradition.  And now I have a picture of it...

...and also of my pile of dirty yoga clothes on the window sill ;o)  It's a good picture of the reality of life right now.  I keep my workout stuff in the bathroom cause sometimes Jesse is sleeping when I need them.  So there they sit.

And then I messed around with the self-timer on the little camera so we could do a first-thing-in-the-morning photo shoot!  It was so fun!  We're all in our pajamas still and the girls smell like pee.  This is the story of my life right now... but we're still smiling!!!

This is the face I give Lily when I give her the "OKAY big girl, so you're going to stay dry this naptime, right?" pep talk...  "You're going to go pee in the potty NOT in your panties, right?  RIGHT?"

This is my favorite paragraph from that article... made me cry a little actually because I could really relate to her description of motherhood...

"Someday, I want them to see me, documented, sitting right there beside them: me, the woman who gave birth to them, whom they can thank for their ample thighs and their pretty hair; me, the woman who nursed them all for the first years of their lives, enduring porn star-sized boobs and leaking through her shirts for months on end; me, who ran around gathering snacks to be the week's parent reader or planning the class Valentine's Day party; me, who cried when I dropped them off at preschool, breathed in the smell of their post-bath hair when I read them bedtime stories, and defied speeding laws when I had to rush them to the pediatric ER in the middle of the night for fill-in-the-blank..."

And then she goes on to to vow to make sure she's "in the picture" more so that her kids actually SEE later on how Momma was there.  And I want that, too.  I want them to see us doing things together... special things AND every day things.  And I do want them to have evidence of how I looked when I was young... and how I looked at them when they were young.

So that's me.  Stepping out from behind the camera more often to say CHEESE with my girls.  And if you have small kids, you should, too!  Even if you haven't showered, yet ;o)

After the Rain

"I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me."  Psalm 13:6

This verse has been echoing in my mind a lot lately.

Sisterly Love

"Nothing is lovelier than the picture of sisters locked in each other's arms, their lives blending in holy love, the one helping the other, giving comfort in sorrow, strength in weakness, and help in trial."

-J.R. Miller

Training is Tough

"Children are natural mimics - they act like their parents in spite of every effort to teach them good manners." 
-Anonymous

This just made me chuckle :o)

Ask Big

"Come, believer, and get all thy need supplied; ask largely, and thou shalt receive largely, for this 'fulness' is inexhaustible, and is treasured up where all the needy may reach it, even in Jesus, Immanuel - God with us."  (Spurgeon)

Tired?

"There remaineth therefore, a rest to the people of God."  Hebrews 4:9

"Ah!  Christian, the hot day of weariness lasts not for ever; the sun is nearing the horizon; it shall rise again with a brighter day than thou hast ever seen, upon a land where they serve God day and night, and yet rest from their labours.   Here, rest is but partial, there, it is perfect.  Here, the Christian is always unsettled; he feels that he has not yet attained.  There, all are at rest; they have attained the summit of their mountain; they have ascended to the bosom of their God.  Higher they cannot go.  Ah, toil-worn labourer, only think when though shalt rest for ever!  Canst thou conceive it?  It is a rest eternal; a rest that 'remaineth.' "  Charles Spurgeon

Rest is coming :o)

Spurgeon on Prayer

"We may be certain that whatever God has made prominent in His Word, he intended to be conspicuous in our lives.  If He has said much about prayer, it is because He knows we have much need of it."
(Charles Spurgeon)