Turning 27 isn't that important. Or at least, it doesn't feel very exciting.
Or is it?
My parents love to tell the story of my first moments of life. After a grueling labor and delivery, my Mom was finally able to recover and my Dad was handed his first child, a healthy baby girl. And he says I stared at him. Literally. Moments after birth, my eyes were wide open, almost expectant.
He likes to say it was my first "what's next?" look.
So what's next?
Learning to stop constantly asking "what's next?" is what's next! Let me explain...
"I think that our deepest darknesses are always the other side of the coin of our brightest selves."
-Shauna Niequist (from her awesome book Bittersweet
)
What's next for me is flipping the coin of my life and seeing how to better embrace the brightest part of me (excitement for life) while letting go of the dark part (fun fact: even a stay-at-home mom can be a workaholic.)
All of life is a balancing act. And I'm almost never balanced. I'm starting to think this is a relatively normal human problem. But for me, it's a chronic issue, one I've mentioned about a billion times on this blog. Almost every time I melt into a puddle of tears it's because some area of my life has tipped way way to the extreme on the not-balanced side of things.
Oops again!
I'm going through some really hard internal lessons right now... inside me, inside my marriage, inside my family. Some of these lessons have been painful, some are confusing even still, and some are complicated and not yet worked out. Like I haven't even scratched the surface.
But it's good. So so good. Good enough that I want to tell you about some of the lessons. Because they're shaping me into a slightly different, better version of myself.
So Happy Birthday to ME!
This shall be a year of internal tweaking. Slowing down. Laying it all out on the table and deciding what to keep and what to let go. Being okay with some parts of myself, and stretching the other parts in good ways.
Flipping the coin, finding balance, all that jazz. Stay tuned for more "life lessons from Jessica's life lessons", coming soon to a blog near you!
Happy Birthday dear girl! :)
ReplyDeleteOnce again, I wish so badly you and I were nearer... what you wrote resonates so much with myself... so from afar, I say YES! I can relate and we are in this together and I am looking forward to learning and gleaning more from your life lessons. One of the greatest reasons I love reading your blog is your honesty. I also love that you don't just blog about how badly you might fail but you record the ways you are growing and thriving. It's all encouragment! :)
A few weeks ago I sat down in front of Stephen early in the morning and said "WHY CAN"T I HANDLE STRESS ANYMORE?!?!?!?!?!" This stemming from another meltdown the evening before. He simply said, is his to the point wisdom... "You have an agenda. And you forget that you have 3 kids now that are your first priority."
I pondered that... and have much since then... and it's so true. I try so hard to function and perform as a free and single girl... the girl that was so laid back, took everything in stride and handled life with ease... and forget that, I'm in another stage of life now. I need to adjust my goals and my time to the 3 needy and lovely children at my ankles.
I have so far to go... but I am so thankful for how the Lord works in our lives to mold us and make us. I am SO grateful to Stephen for his love and reminders as I figure it out.
Always love a visit with you! Love ya! :)
Oh how I wish we could sit down over coffee together :o) Thanks for the encouragement and for being such a faithful reader and commenter. It means a lot to get notes from you. I can TOTALLY relate to having an agenda, and that's one of the biggest lessons I'll be blogging about soon. I am definitely learning and re-learning these things about myself every day. And yes, it's hard. Love and prayers from Germany friend! Love you too!
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