The Hardest and Best To-Do List Ever | Things I Don't Do

In keeping with my ditch the to-do list challenge to myself, I am borrowing Shauna Niequist's brilliant idea to make a new kind of to-do list. In what she calls her "frantic twenties", a dear friend and mentor told her that you have to know what you are willing to give up in order to do the things you truly care about.

So this is a list of things I have to let go of. And I hate it a little, because the "in a perfect world where there are 62 hours in every day" part of me WANTS to do these things. All of them. But there are only 24 hours in my days, how about yours? So.

Or maybe they're things I want to want to do. But I don't. Or I don't like to, but "everyone" else does them and I feel like I should. Or I just don't have time in this season of my life but maybe I'll take them off this list later. Who knows.

But for now, they're goners. And that's why this list is so hard. Because you have to admit there are just some things you don't do. And I wrote them out for you because a) I want some of you to let go of that "Jessica is a superMom" mentality and b) I want to have it written out as a reminder to myself.

(This list is startlingly freeing. You should make one too if this is a problem for you!)

1. I don't celebrate the minor holidays on epic-Christmas-levels anymore. Unless I want to. But if I don't want to, I hereby refuse to allow myself to feel bad about it! My desire to make all of life as sparkly and fun as possible (for myself AND the girls) can lead to a stressful week's worth of prep and oh-so-many-lists and to-dos just to make St. Patty's Day absolutely Pinterest-worthy. But I'm finding that I don't mind much at all if every meal of Valentine's Day isn't a shade of pink or the shape of a heart. Nope, don't care. (Funny thing is, neither do the girls) So I'm going to stick to ROCKING Christmas, Easter, and our four birthdays. After that, Cinco de Mayo is totally optional icing on the cake of our holiday celebrations. Part of what frees me from this pressure is that my mom frequently sends AMAZING care packages, even for the little holidays, which include cool decor and fun stickers in the very least. Everyone wins, and all I have to do is pull out the box! (Thanks Mom you're the best!)

2. I don't do a lot of crafts anymore. Or kid art type stuff. Or preschool worksheets. The kids like it sometimes so when I (or they) get the urge, we still paint. Or we have random "let's google about snails since collecting empty shells is Lily's newest obsession" moments. But they don't really like to do most other crafts or "intentional learning activities" I've tried so I no longer fight it. Or more accurately, I fight that voice inside me that says "you really should be doing this to be a good mom." I sprinkle glitter and glue and popcicle sticks at that voice and say " 'shut it!' The kindergarten teachers are more than capable of taking that on."

3. I don't make absolutely everything from scratch. I know. SOMETIMES I buy tortillas and granola and chicken stock and deodorant from the store. This one can be really hard for me to allow myself... to remember that just because I know how to make these things with a clean ingredient list, or just because I want to avoid bad fats or chemicals or sugar in the conventional version, or even just because it's CHEAPER to make it myself, doesn't mean I should make it myself. Sometimes the time required to do every homemade thing I can in 24 hours leaves me with no time left for the people who I'm trying to feed so super healthy. I can't do it all, and I have to reel it in and be comfortable with the level of crunchy we're at, for now. My family is more important than the sum total of how much coconut oil, soaked grains, or 24-hour chicken stock I can get into their bodies. I can no longer allow myself to get to the place of near-meltdown as I try to "do it all" in this area.

4. I don't update Facebook much anymore. When I have some funny story or witty thought or silly pic of the kids, I send it to My Love first. I am intentionally applying this amazing article I read about a woman who disentangled herself from addictive social media in order to make more "intersections" with her husband. So I'm trying to apply that concept pretty ruthlessly for awhile... I love social media for it's ease of staying connected with family and for it's networking possibilities within my business, but I know that it can be a vortex. And in 50 years, Jesse's the only one who's "likes" I will care about. #therestofyouwillfade #socialmediaisaddictive #strongmarriageorbust

5. I don't blog every day. And I don't blog about every thing. Some days are just mine. Some stories are just our family's. Some joys are best kept as inside jokes. And some struggles are private. Our family blog is important to me, it will never go away. It's a story I want to tell, a journal I love to write in, and a scrapbook I'll treasure forever. But it's just for fun. And it's not as important as I sometimes want to think ;o)

6. I don't stay in close contact with people outside my immediate circle. Shauna Niequist calls this focusing on "the Home Team" and I love that concept. I've always kept a pretty small home team and I always used to feel bad about it. My relational energy is pretty depleted after I take care of the most important things - Jesse, Lily, and Sam. I cling to a few close friendships. But no matter how much I want to Skype, call, email, or write letters to all 300 of my favorite people who I've had the privilege of loving to death in the past ten years or so, I just can't! I think of you all often, those I love from afar now. And I treasure the time we had when we could share life together. The fact that I don't email you anymore doesn't mean I don't love you. The nature of our life in the military has meant a faster-than-usual changing up of the home team. Sometimes I feel guilty that I can't keep up with everyone. But I'm learning to accept that aspect of the limit on my time.

7. I don't attend many play dates these days. There was a time, not too long ago, that I was meeting up with other mommas with kids my kids age on a weekly basis. And I LIVED for that social interaction, where we pretended it was about our kids, but really it was about us needing to get out of the house. But now my monkeys are "big kids" in kindergarten M-F for the better part of the day. And for the rest of the day and weekends, I want them mostly to myself! It's shocking to me to realize that the toddler years are over and my time with adults doesn't have to revolve around nap times and diaper changes anymore!

8. I don't sort my laundry into loads by color. Never have, never will. I wash almost everything on cold and call it good. It's a rare rare day when I iron. I do like to hang our clothes to dry as often as possible, hippie-momma that I am, but that's about as high-maintenance as I get with laundry.

9. I don't keep up with the news. Or Hollywood. I wish I was a better world citizen and knew more of what was going on in current events and pop culture. But it's never been something I did. I don't study musicians or songs. I'm a social tv-watcher and a passive music-listener. I don't even know the titles of some of my favorite songs! I listen to music sometimes, especially in the car, but I prefer quiet. I used to be embarrassed because this makes me kind of strange... but I'm learning to embrace just "being Jessica" in that.

10. Cleaning the house is a relative term. "Tidying" is a more accurate description of what I do. I try to stay on top of picking things up, and it amazes me how that alone makes the house feel more clean. But the toilets don't get scrubbed very often. The cobwebs are a permanent fixture in some corners of the house. Hell will freeze over before I clean the windows. Or scrub out the oven. And I'm constantly battling with myself to embrace this. To not stress over crumbs on the floor or dishes on the counter when friends come over. If I cleaned the house more I'd have less time for the things that really matter! So I do the bare minimum that we agree our family is comfortable with, and I try to forget the rest!

11. Kid birthday parties. No. At least, not yet. No elaborate themes and large guest lists here. No 12 extra children invading my house all at once. No pinteresting madness. No stress. I apparently couldn't do the 9 month math it required to NOT give birth to my children around a holiday (0-2 on that one) and besides that their birthdays are a month apart. Nopity-nope-nope to huge parties. We do a special family outing for each girl and they get to choose dinner. It's a small family-centered celebration but it includes a lot of presents and a lot of their favorite color so I don't think they care too much that we don't surround them with their peer and hire a clown.

12. Waking up at 5am. There was a time not long ago, when the girls were tiny and needed me all day long, that I woke up at 5am almost every day. That was my only time to read, think, journal, and pray uninterrupted and honestly, I'm the kind of person that is allergic to interruptions. So I needed that time! I indulged in numerous cups of coffee, sometimes a blog post, and sometimes a quick yoga workout... and I wouldn't have survived those years (especially the "two kids under the age of two" years) without starting my day like that. But it got me to the end of the day with very little left to give anyone else. Like, oh I don't know, the man who helped create said children. 9pm was like my tap-out-brain-dead-zone. So now, with the girls a little older and less needy (and at school in the mornings!) I can fit that uninterrupted me-time in later in the day. I now wake up at the perfectly reasonable hour of 7am most days, when Sam comes in to tell me there's a "wake up seven!!!!" on their digital clock ;o) And I'm much more awake at the end of the night. I can't say I never fall asleep during movies anymore, but I do have a slightly better track record for being less zombie-ish and less grumpy about bedtimes.

13. Working out with others. I've dabbled in Zumba class and tried going with people to the gym or meeting up for a run. But I don't like it. I feel like it over-complicates my already complicated life. My workout routine is much easier to make a routine when all I need to do is unroll a yoga mat in my living room and turn on YouTube. (By the way Sadie Nardini is my new fave. She's kooky but her workouts are TOUGH and awesome.) Sometimes I run, by myself or with Jesse. But it's not my thing. I'd like to get into hiking but it just never seems to happen. As I look over at my yoga mat in the corner I can smile because I know I'm in the best shape of my life. Sure I could use more cardio and a stronger core. But I have muscles now. And I got them all by myself. In the quite of my dirty living room.


So that's my list! In no particular order. It has been nice to admit to myself that the things that really matter are WORTH giving up these things... the things that don't really matter as much.

How about you? Got anything you need to give up? Make your list and let me know in the comments if it helped you feel more free to say "nope, I don't do that, and that's okay!" :o)

Three cheers for admitting we can't do it all!