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Wednesday, February 12, 2014

She Just Wants to BE WITH ME.

Sam is teaching me a lot of lessons lately. Or rather, one main lesson... over and over. Because I can't seem to get that one lesson through my thick skull.

"Momma, hold me."

"Momma, I want to be wif you."

"Momma, please I be wif you?"

It breaks my heart how often I hear this. And I'm trying to really HEAR it you know? Like, not just hear it and give her a snack and send her packing to the toy room... but really hear it, and stop. SLOW DOWN. Hold her. Let her be with me.

Be with her.

A never ending internal battle. Who's more important, me or her? Me or Jesse? Me or Lily? My to-do list or my family?

Them. It's gotta be them! Those pudgy little hands just reaching out for a hug. I'm constantly working on stopping to be present.  

I don't like slowing down! AND I'm a slow learner. Such a bad combination ;o)


  1. worthy of tears...
    Lilbear and Sam are so very different- Lil may never use words to tell you the same things, but she wants/needs you just the same way. It may be when she is most stubborn and bullish that she just needs a big squeeze... I wish I had surprised the kids with more hugs when they were little...
    you are doing a good job mom,

    1. Thanks for that reminder! I notice exactly that with Lily... she's upset or whiny or whatever it is (her "grumpy moods") and I just stop and think "do you need a hug"... even if I have to chase her down ;o)

  2. We've been going through this a lot too. S always asks me to play with him (interestingly he emphasizes the "wif")...not just next to him or near him, but WITH him. His love language is definitely quality time!! I've caught myself recently saying...well, okay but let me just do this one more thing...which I definitely need to work on! But then there's the balance of not giving in to their every whim and letting them have their own personal alone playtime too...and where is that line. It's definitely tough being a mom...but so, so worth it! I've been doing a Bible study lately about slowing down and seeing the gifts that God has given you...it's called one thousand gifts. You should totally do it! It's really, really good!! Love you friend and I miss you a ton!! :)

    1. Miss you too my twin friend! I'm sure you'll be SHOCKED to hear that I'm re-reading One Thousand Gifts right now ;o) *twins again!* and yes, I love it. I do the same thing "just let me finish this" and then, to my shame, "this" turns into an hour later and I still haven't played with them and now it's time to get dinner ready. Let's work to be better at stopping (if possible) right when they ask! I notice that it sometimes only takes 10 minutes or less before they're done with snuggle time and on to something else anyways! Kids..

  3. Oh Jess, you inspire me. I have been thinking of you SO OFTEN since your post of being spread too thin. :) I can relate to what you were saying and its been on my mind a lot. Zeph is my one that needs me so much and since he is the oldest I think I can tend to want to make him grow up and take care of the others... sometimes I just need to let him sit on my lap too or rub his back or hold his hand... mothering is such a learning experience, every SINGLE day!! We baked together today too, Zeph, Naamah and I and we used your recipe for cut-outs. They turned out great! And they loved doing it, of course. :)
    Think of and pray for you often! Love love you! Thank you for sharing so honestly here and for reminding me I am not in this alone. :)

    1. Oh man I miss you Chica. It's so nice, though, to feel connected even though we're so far apart. Motherhood brings us together, eh? I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one. So so so glad. *hugs and prayers your way* And major high-five cool mom points awarded for doing cut out cookies WITH two little ones! I would not say I've often had the patience for something so involved. I'll have to channel my inner Amanda sometime.. maybe we'll do cutout cookies for Easter again.

    2. hey... what I didn't mention is that near the end of cookies, I said "ok, go visit Daddy upstairs while Mommy finishes up!" :) We took the leftovers to church today and I got a lot of "mmm... these are good cookies! I need the recipe!" Thanks again! :)


    3. Aw great I'm glad there were so popular! (And that you got a few kid-free moments after the baking session!)