Sie sind meine Wunschkinder | They are My Wish Children

All the photos from this post by Kirsten Ashley Photography & Design circa April 2013
a Mother's Day Mini Session that I will treasure forever!

The Germans have a word/phrase to describe Lily and Sam...

Wunschkind

A Wunschkind is a "Wish Child," or a baby you wanted and planned to have. So early on when Julia and I started hanging out, she asked me if the girls were "wish kids" after I had explained how close in age they are. (13 months apart)

I looked at her quizzically... "what's a wish kid?" 

And once she explained it to me, my heart just melted! To have a way to perfectly describe the spacing of my kids is just so cool!

If I had a quarter for every time someone asked me if they were twins, I'd be so rich.

Also if I had a quarter for every time people asked me if their age spacing was intentional.

Which is always such an awkward question... I know it's harmless and people are just curious. But dearest stranger in the grocery store, do you really want to know the intricacies of my plan to conceive my children? Also, your stealthy stink eye isn't fooling anyone - I know you think I don't know how to use birth control. Thanks for that.

The truth is I wanted these two babies close. I wanted them badly. I didn't get pregnant with Lily right away when we started trying, like I'd hoped.

And though 3-4 months is hardly worth worrying over when trying to conceive, for someone who is so excited to be pregnant and has friends getting pregnant all around her, that negative sign on the pregnancy test still stings.

Lily's pregnancy was so awesome. And her infancy was also amazing. She was an easy baby... which DEFINITELY impacted my fateful words to Jesse, "Hey this is so great, babies are easy! Want to have another one right away?"

In hindsight, I had no idea what I was actually getting myself into. You can't be a mom for three months and honestly think you know something about what that's going to look like in two years. But hey, ignorance is bliss and one thing led to another and WOW I was pregnant way faster the second time around.

And the rest is pretty much history. Two years back to back of pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and lots of diapers... lots and lots of diapers...

But I wouldn't change it for the world! 

I love these two crazy monkeys. I call them Double Trouble for good reason. But they are also so sweet I could eat them up. They love each other so much. And I love them so much it hurts.

There have been times in the last five years (many times) where I have wondered if I bit off more than I can chew. Classic Jessica move - taking on too much at once.

But that doesn't change the fact that they are my wish children! 

Thank you, German language, for so perfectly putting that into words for me.

Peaceful Birth: It Can be Done!

So today we're going to let Jessica get on her "natural labor is awesome" soapbox!  My dear friend Amber gave me permission to share the video of her home water birth... her daughter Riley was born a few days before Christmas.  Not only does watching a birth make me cry (in general) but this particular birth experience makes me cry because of how peaceful and beautiful it was!  And also because she had a girl when she was just sure she'd have another boy!

Amber's experience is such a sharp contrast to the Hollywood version of a screaming panicked mom-to-be yelling at her man to FLOOR IT to the hospital!  (Though that does make for a more epic movie scene, obviously!)  And her experience even trumps my own two natural labors, as I was far from calm and peaceful right before my babies crowned!  

Women often fear the pain of childbirth simply because they have been trained by this western mentality that medications and interventions during birth are the norm.  The hippies want to tell you otherwise!  I wanted to share this hopeful picture of another option to anyone in their childbearing years.  You don't have to deliver in a hospital with a doctor, you don't even have to deliver in a bed!

Decide what kind of birth YOU want (and yes, you can handle the pain, I promise!) and go for it!  Even if people are going to incredulously ask questions like "you delivered your baby in your living room?  In front of the Christmas tree?" Yes.  Yes she did.  And she did AWESOME!

Great job Amber!  Thanks for letting me share your story!  And welcome to the world baby Riley!  

Love, your resident wanna-be-doula.  GO GO HIPPIES!

My First Baby Niece! (And Second Shot at Birth Photography)

If there's anything more magical than being a support, encouragement, and photographer at the birth of a baby then it's being able to do it for a member of your family.  

Not only was I honored and super excited (a dream come true!) that my sister-in-law Cassie would be interested in my birth photography, but I was honored and super excited (thank you Lord!) to actually be able to make it there in time!

You wouldn't think it'd be that hard to make it on time... but it was considering the girls and I were with Aunt Tanya visiting Gram and Pa in Cape Cod when she started labor.  (Oh, and the fact that I usually live half a world away!)  But anyways, I had "a plan" for if she went into labor while I was in Corning... which obviously wasn't going to work out!

Thankfully, I have a wonderful set of old friends in the Philly area and with just a few facebook contacts and phone calls I was able to find someone who was free to babysit the girls over night while I *fingers crossed* got to watch my niece's birth.

So though she "interrupted our weekend" Harper actually came at just the perfect time for Tanya and I to attend.  And she even waited the 9 hours it took us to pack the cars and drive from Wareham, Ma to West Chester, Pa... Cassie met us at the door shortly after we arrived at the apartment to tell us that she was pretty sure her water had broken! So I went into my nephew's room to catch a short nap... which really ended up being 15 minutes of me being too excited to even shut my eyes before Cass decided it was time to drop Xavier off at his babysitter and head over to the birth center after all.

Cassie doesn't mess around with this whole giving birth thing.  She was truly an inspiration!  I could tell by how she was breathing through contractions as we loaded the car that she was definitely feeling pain... but she was delivering naturally (girl after my own heart!) so onward she went!

It wasn't an easy labor for her.  She'd been having strong contractions most of the day and by the time we got to the birth center at almost midnight she was already 6cm!  (For those non-Mommies among us that means she only had four more cm to go... though that can sometimes take hours!)  In just about two hours, she rocked through some really tough contractions and started pushing that beautiful baby right out!  It was incredible to me how fast she went!  

Little Miss Harper Mae Logue was whooshed into the world by her rockstar Momma at 1:50am and I was SO PROUD of Cassie for how AWESOME she did!  (6lbs 10oz, 20 inches for those of you who like baby stats)

I wish you guys could have seen it.  *cringe*  Okay never mind that would have been awkward and rather distracting. What I mean to say is, watching a woman like Cassie at work reaffirms my strong belief that labor and deliver is usually a perfectly normal thing that doesn't need a hospital or pain meds.  It's magical.

[Insert my statement about the obvious need for medical intervention in certain situations.  Like how I'm so thankful that the doctor was able to perform an emergency c-section on my friend's second twin (hi Hilary!) which likely avoided a life-threatening situation for that little peanut!  Doctor's are great.  Surgery is necessary at times.  But let's move on to my hippie-love for when natural labor works out just great...]

It was such a treat to watch Cassie and Mike work as a team.  Childbirth is a team sport, people!  You definitely need people around you who can offer you support.  And if not a doula, then a loving husband, mother, sister, and wanna-be-doula-sister-in-law work just great!

Mike was the primary arm/shoulder/chest to lean on for Cass.  I was just snapping my camera in her face every five minutes... shooting up a prayer... offering a word of encouragement... trying to make her laugh... reminding her to inhale (hey, it's important)... and at times holding her hand.

As kind of a side-note: I've heard of the fact that, if left alone, most babies who are born naturally and left with Mom will gradually nurse on their own.  And I saw it in action!  Harper was crying and started to root around and BOOM.  Found exactly what she wanted and nursed happily for about half an hour!  Even Harper makes this whole birth thing look easy!

Cassie, I can't thank you enough for allowing me into such an intimate moment in your life.  I will treasure this memory forever!  I've said it once and I'll say it five million more times... you did awesome and it was an honor to watch and take pictures!

She makes mighty beautiful babies, doesn't she? 

How Hiking My First Mountain was like Giving Birth to a Baby

(I should preface this with the reminder that I gave birth to both girls without any medical intervention.  Should help the points of this analogy make more sense!)

1.  No matter how many stories you hear about how hard it is you still underestimate how hard it's going to be.  Baby: when the real contractions started happening during labor with Lily I was like "oh crap.  I can't do this." Mountain: when we stopped to catch our breath at the base of the first huge incline of rocks to climb I was like "oh crap. I can't do this."

2.  You need support from someone who's been there.  Baby: even if your husband is a fantastic birth coach, consider hiring a doula.  Mountain: my Brother led the way while Steph and I struggled along... with Bethany shouting periodic encouragement from the rear.  I don't know what I would have done at points without seeing Brother go first so I would know which part of the path was best.  And once Bethany physically pushed my tush right up over the edge of this huge rock.

3.  You will feel like throwing up at some point.  Baby: transitional labor anyone?  Your body kind of gets to a point where the stress of labor makes you want to hurl.  Mountain: I've been exercising pretty regularly for a few months now but that didn't prepare me in the slightest for a three hour cardio workout.  I obviously couldn't breathe and definitely wanted to throw up a couple times.  (mountains have childbirth beat in that you can take breaks as needed.  Like every five minutes)

4.  You lose track of time.  Labor: it's best not to look at the clock anyways, but when you do you can't believe you've been pushing for XXX hours.  Mountain: I can't really remember the hour and a half between the "I'm gonna throw up stage" and the "hey we're almost to the summit stage".  Coming back down was weird... I was like "we climbed UP this??"

5.  When someone tells you the end is near, you get really excited... especially if you can see the end.  Baby: when you can actually touch the baby's head coming out of your body.  Mountain:  when you see the first "sneak peek view" and see the trees changing around you.

6.  When you get to the top it's like your adrenaline and sense of accomplishment completely make you forget all the pain it took to get to that point.  Baby: when you hold that tiny person in your arms you almost forget you just pushed it out of your body!  Mountain: when you reach the summit (and after you eat a sandwich) you forget about how you almost turned around halfway up.

7.  You feel kindred spirits with everyone who's ever experienced the same thing.  Baby:  I still want to high-five every mom with a new baby.  I don't care it you had a scheduled c-section, you still gave birth and that's HARD and I salute you!  Mountain:  I wanted to high-five everyone on the summit of Algonquin.  But I'm new to the hiker-club so I refrained from embarrassing my siblings.

8.  There comes a point when you realize you have to leave "the summit". Baby:  you can't stay in the hospital snuggling your baby... have to take it home and do your own laundry.  And those first few months of sleepless nights are kind of torturous.  Mountain:  you can stay on the summit for as long as you want, but it gets a little cold. So you have to drag your tired legs back down.

9.  Getting back to reality is hard... really hard.  Baby: you just push through those first few months in a blur until all the sudden your baby sleeps and you become human again.  Mountain:  you stumble and trudge down the mountain... no one takes pictures or makes jokes or even talks.  You finish your water and you have to pee but you just keep plodding till you reach the car.

10.  You completely forget all the previous things I've said... pregnancy amnesia is very similar to mountain amnesia.  And it's awesome.  Otherwise I wouldn't have Samantha!  And I certainly plan to hike another mountain someday!

Why Natural?

I keep asking myself why I choose to give birth naturally. (More like, I KEPT asking myself while I was GIVING birth naturally!) I wanted to escape the pain...considered the epidural...was gonna let them break my water towards the end to "speed things up"...but I hesitated. I just felt "better" doing it without any intervention...Jesse and I were talking about it (in between getting rocked by contractions, of course!) and we both were more comfortable with just waiting it out and letting it run it's course.

Strike that...only *one* of us was more comfortable waiting it out...the *other* one was definitely NOT comfortable! :o)

Moving on...maybe I do it naturally cause I've never heard any horror stories about natural labor? No complications, no side effects, no problems...just a bit of pain. Quite a bit of pain...but I guess it's worth it to me. I know my body is capable of doing it without meds...

People act like I'm a hero. They assume I have this amazing pain tolerance...that I'm a beast or something. But that's definitely not true! I'm totally a pansy about pain! :o)

So why go through the pain of childbirth without any meds?

I guess I...just do. It's my mommy-choice. I feel strongly about it...which I think is an absolute MUST if you're going to do it.

And I don't look down on other momma's who don't go natural...cause I TOTALLY get why! It really does hurt!!!

Just some random musings.

Labor and Delivery

(DISCLAIMER: This is long and boring unless you like L&D stories...so bear with me or skip this post :o) I was at a loss for how to keep it a) short and sweet and b) how to break it into smaller parts...so I just basically vomited it all out in raw detail for all y'all curious ladies!)

Wednesday morning: It was a busy week for us (getting ready for the Airman of the Month interview, which Jesse didn't get this time by the way. Boo.) but I was finally able to take the car and get some groceries during LJ's nap. The fridge was pretty bare...with labor imminent I knew this was probably not a good thing.

As I was walking around the BX (Base Exchange - like a Walmart) and Commissary (Grocery store) I was noticing contractions...they weren't doosies yet, but I could tell they were coming closer together. Hmmmm thought I, is this it?

I gave Jesse the status update before he left: keep your phone close tonight. I don't know if this is the real deal or not, but we'll see!

When LJ woke up, we went for a walk. I walked hard to see if they'd stop (apparently walking gets rid of false labor contractions) and was pleasantly surprised that they continued.

We both took naps around 3. I woke up before 5...either from a contraction, a full bladder, or because I was sweating (forgot to turn on the ceiling fan and Jess had jacked the heat up the night before). So I took care of the last two and laid back down to see what was up with the former.

From 5-5:30pm I timed pretty decent contractions at about 5 minutes apart. I wasn't sure if they were the real deal yet, but they were at least pretty strong and regular.

LJ got up and I got us some dinner. It's hard to actually pay attention to times when you're busy taking care of someone else...but I knew they were still coming strong and steady. I got a start packing her bag just in case.

I texted Jesse a status update. I didn't want him to get excited, but wanted him to be ready in case. Turned out to be a good call cause his instructor had him take his test that they were all taking the next day to finish up the block and he aced it! So he won't be leaving any loose ends at school.

Bethanne showed up to get something after LJ was in bed. She came in to check out my tree and ended up staying till 10:30! She helped me wrap some more presents that had just arrived. And we chatted and caught up and got excited about what the next night/day might bring!

She was hoping for a "snow day" :o) (Alas, our hopes were a little premature!)

Also, I find it very hard to accurately describe what a contraction feels like to someone. Especially the difference between the early ones and later ones. To first time preggos everywhere: I think God did this on purpose ;o) So you would still want to get pregnant!

Jesse kept texting to see how I was. I thought it was cause he was getting excited to come home early...turns out everyone kept asking him how things were going! :o)

10:30pm: hot bath, contractions kept coming.

Stayed busy catching up on some online blog reading. Did one last coat of nail polish.

Played some Halo Reach with Jesse when he got home.

Napped from 2-4am Thursday morning and woke up to a whopper contraction and another full bladder. I couldn't get back to sleep...they were still every 5 but getting stronger.

It was getting to the point where I needed to purposefully breathe through them. From what I remembered of LJ's labor (why, oh why, can't I remember something that happened just over a year ago? God's wisdom again...Mommy Amnesia.) this was a good sign.

So I came downstairs for a small bowl of soup. I unloaded the dishwasher. I enjoyed the tree lights. I decided my iPod needed charging. I took another hot bath.

I breathed through each contraction but I wasn't convinced I was anywhere near going in to the hospital.

6:30am: texted Bethanne that I wouldn't be needing her just yet, but hopefully at some point later in the day. Poor girl had to go to work after all.

I slept a little but they started hurting around 8:30. I was starting to remember how it was gonna go...painfully...

Thurs am: Jesse made LJ and I eggs for breakfast. After which I thanked him profusely for the breakfast and then grounded him from my cast iron skillet, because he didn't use oil and made a big old mess in it ;o)

We all went for a short walk.

I took another bath. (For anyone interested in "how" I do natural L&D...the primary way I take the edge off the pain is a soak in a hot bath...and breath deep...and whine and whimper ;o) )

Shaved my legs...just killing time here... :o) I was able to nap a little during LJ's nap.

I downloaded a cool contraction counter app to my iPod. Technology can be so fun! And make life easier! :o) Best feature: it timed from one to the next and then gave you the average for the last hour. Less thinking and keeping track for me!

2pm-ish...I got nervous that the intensity was increasing but not the frequency. Seemed to be up closer to 7-9 mins apart. Was this okay? They were strong, but was it strong enough?

So I took a walk at 3:30. They bunched up to 4-5 minutes during walk. Good sign.

I finished getting Lily's bag and food packed. Gave her a bath and ate a simple dinner.

We took her and all her gear to Bethanne's around 7pm. I didn't know when/if we'd even go in during the night, but we didn't want to have to wake up the kid or our friends.

I had crazy mommy heartache as I left her...I wished I could take care of this without leaving her for who knows how long. But you can't be with your big baby while having your little one.

I alerted the family of the current status :o)

Took another walk and bath. I decided to stop counting contractions and just relax...counting was making me stressed since they weren't getting closer together. I figured they'd get closer together whenever and I'd know...no need to be timing them constantly.

So we watched the newest episode of Lie to Me on Hulu.

Fri am: 10:30-1:30am on and off sleep. Contractions were consistent and hard. Baths. Potty breaks.

They were getting harder to breathe through...the first few seconds always bring a moment of panic...but two deep breaths (counting to about 20 up and down) usually get me through. I find that if I get tense, hold my breath, freak out, or anything else of that nature, they hurt a lot more.

3:30am: those puppies were hurting! I was glad to feel progress but whew...I started asking myself: can I do this? How much longer, Lord? When should I go to the hospital? Am I progressed enough?

Side note: I was definitely glad I waited as long as I did. Because of the fetal monitoring, I was a little bit less comfortable than at home, obviously. While I was hooked up, I had to sit in bed. And lean to my left side a bit, since SJ seemed to tolerate the contractions better that way. Then again, I was getting curious to see how I was progressing, and since I'd been in at least early labor for awhile at that point, I wasn't too upset to have them monitoring her. I wanted to be sure she was okay, after all.

4:30am: Woke Jesse up to pack and go. Got to the hospital around 5 and was 5/6cms.

Staff was great, room was big and comfy...lots of room to walk around. Walking was nice this time...I liked to lean against a wall or the window sill and sway during the contractions. (except for when I had to sit in the bed with the monitor. Then I had a staring contest with Jesse...)

Progressed pretty quickly, but contractions were hard hard hard. If I didn't breathe slow, deep, and controlled, I started to panic.

Toni describes it best: you start to want to crawl out of your skin towards the end! :o)

This might have been to the point I was "in transition". Having been through it before, I was a little more aware of what was going on with my body this time. The contractions of early labor are different from the end because at the end I could actually feel my uterus working to move her down. (Lots of pelvic pressure with each contraction, etc.)

It's weird to me that I was totally calm and collected in between contractions, but a complete "I gotta breath deep and slow or I'm gonna die" spaz during. Hmmm. Labor...weird. For the record, just cause I deliver naturally doesn't mean my labors are peaceful, calm events. I've read they can be, but I don't have that kind of self control ;o) I mean, I don't scream and cry...but I get suuuuper focused during each contraction on just getting through. And I kinda whimper and whine about it, as Jesse can bear witness to. And I'm not calm during the pushing stage. Not. at. all.

Jesse was a huge help in reminding me to be calm. I especially asked him to remind me that it's just one contraction at a time. I got through each one by looking into his eyes, holding his hand, and breathing...I don't know how I could do it without him. He jokingly complained that our little stare-downs during each contraction were making his eyes dry ;o)

Contractions started to be really really strong after 8cms. It took less than an hour for me to start pushing (the nurse didn't even bother checking me again to see if I was fully dilated cause I told her I was already kinda pushing gently with each contraction)...my water broke on it's own...which didn't happen with LJ. It scared the crap out of me and sounded like a shotgun! "Gross" was the first word that popped out of my mouth! Jesse and the nurse laughed. I still say it was gross :o)

But it was good...she had pooped (why do my kids like to poop inside me?) so a pediatrician was called to asses her upon birth.

I pushed hard, but it was thankfully only for twenty minutes this time! :o) It still hurt like hades, but at least I wasn't tortured long.

I did tear again...cause I wasn't patient and just popped her right out :o) Ow. Oh well. (Jesse says it's my fault cause the doctor was trying to get me to relax and go slower at the end...but I don't even remember that part...all I remember is that she was crowning and I was kicking her out of hotel uterus as fast as I possibly could! Again...ow. Oh well!)

She was a little blue and not making much noise at first but they took care of her and soon her cries joined mine...except mine were happy tears and hers were annoyed ones...but we were done! She was okay! Hallelujah!

She then proceeded to latch on and nurse like a pro for 40 mins!

She's beautiful. Tiny. Healthy. Ours. The end.

Wordless Wednesday: Soon-to-be-gone-belly

Negative Three...

...days from my due date, that is.

(It still feels like Monday to me cause I woke up at 10:30 and couldn't sleep so I decided to stay up till Jesse gets home from class...which should be any time now. But technically, it's now Tuesday! ;o) And I'm still not having a baby...)

Oh I'm definitely having contractions. But they're just the kind that you only notice every twenty minutes or so...where you put your hand on your belly and say "hmm". But you don't really notice them unless you're sitting down being bored. Or trying to sleep.

They're not the kind of contractions you want to be having at this point in your pregnancy...the kind where you have to stop what you're doing and take a deep breath and you put your hands on your tummy and say "ow" to yourself as you check your watch and happily realize they're getting closer together and you can go to the hospital soon. (Well, Marie Mongan would say you aren't supposed to be saying "ow"...you should be "deep breathing" and visualizing how great your peaceful, natural labor and delivery is going to be...but I do what I can!)

Nope, none of those contractions, yet!

I'm alternating between super excited (YAY she'll be here soooon!) and super bored (GAH when is she going to get here?).

The only anxiety I'm feeling is fear that she won't come before "they" (them dang doctor folk) want to start talking about an induction. I don't know exactly when "the talk" about inductions happens in big old military hospitals, but I'm sure they won't let me go too long without giving me the stink-eye about waiting it out. I'm scheduled for an appointment on Friday morning.

Hoping and praying I go before then to avoid the headache of nonstress tests (which, ironically, stress ME out!) and arguing about what demands a truly medically necessary induction.

Now is the time I'm really missing Deb, my NY midwife, who never even brought up an induction with my nine-day-late first girl. (Though she did do a routine nonstress test at 41 weeks.)

And now is the time I'm depending on the Lord for the strength to be patient and at peace with his perfect timing. Psalm 46 is where I ended up in my devos tonight. Perfect timing, God...just perfect! In all things!

Psalm 46
God Is Our Fortress
To the choirmaster. Of the Sons of Korah. According to Alamoth. [1] A Song.

46:1 God is our refuge and strength,
a very present [2] help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
6 The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

8 Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
10 “Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
11 The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

Inductions

Yesterday afternoon at my doctor's appointment, my midwife asked me if I was interested in an induction at 39 weeks.

Come to find out, this is a "routine" offer. *I cringe*

I politely declined, and she went on to tell me Sam is measuring great, my blood pressure is great, my weight gain is great, Sam's heart rate is great, and pretty much everything is great. (She also helped me draft a sassy and succinct birth plan to make sure "they" know "I mean business" :o) and she told me she wrote in my chart that she wants to be paged when I come into Labor and Delivery even if she's not on rotation. Looks like I scored me a true pro-natural-labor midwife!)

Time for my rant.

Why would they want to induce labor? If everything is going great, or even just "normal", why on earth would it make sense to induce? I get it, pregnancy stinks. For some more than others. And as you near your "due date" and there's the possibility that you're not really starting labor at all (like me!) an offer like that can be very tempting.

You mean I could have Sam this weekend? Hmmmm...gosh that *would* be nice. I'd get to hold her finally! (And kiss her and hug her and love on her!!!) I'd be on the road to having my body back to myself (minus the nursing part) and I could be saying goodbye to all the uncomfortable pregnancy junk we ladies deal with. Jesse would be able to take some leave and we'd get some great quality time together as a family.

But, uh, what if Sam's not ready? What if God designed her little body to send a signal to my body to let everyone know that it's time? What if that's nine days "late"...like her big sis?

What if inducing labor early would put us both through a ton of stress and lead to complications...like a c-section??

What if *40 weeks* is not a magic number and should be held lightly?

Again, I get it. Induction can save lives. There are definitely medical reasons to do it. Some kids really do overstay their welcome in hotel uterus. Some mommies really do have complications that can lead to unsafe conditions for both. But there are also clear medical reasons not to induce. Especially if it's just for the convenience of others (mom, doctor, etc). If there's no real reason to induce, let the poor little baby cook till it's ready!

Background: My mom is my hero. I put her (and her poor body) through one heck of an ordeal when I was born. (Side note - I was induced) Fast forward to her last baby. She decides to go natural and delivers my sister at a birth center with a midwife...drug free. Induction free. Pain free? No. But, she always told me it was the best labor and delivery of the four of us. So when it was my turn to consider the options, my mom's experiences encouraged me to step into the realm of hippie stuff like natural childbirth.

I'm so glad I did.

(Hi, Mom! I LOVE YOU!!!)

Um, so the moral of this story is I wish our society would stop doing such a disservice to poor mommies and their bodies and their babies by doing silly things like offering unnecessary inductions. Or even that doctors would take a chill pill and actually do some tests to determine if an "overdue" baby is truly overdue. Sometimes they aren't! Seeing 40 weeks as a black and white delivery date is crazy talk! And inducing for no reason is just nuts!

The end. Thanks for listening. And please pray that Sam comes *relatively* close to her due date...not for my convenience ;o) but so that I don't have to do battle with any induction-happy doctors.

The end. For real this time.

Perspective

It's amazing how your perspective on babies is changed after you actually have one! :o)

Raise your hand if the past nine months went by REALLY fast for you? Well, they did for me. A little over three weeks till Sam's due date. Uh, wasn't I just finding out I was pregnant again?? No, wait, wasn't I just having my first baby??

Now, granted, I *did* cram these two suckers pretty close together...so technically, yeah, I *did* just have my first baby! :o) This is what happens when you have two back to back pregnancies, Jessica!

But seriously, my perspective is so different leading up to Sam's birthdate. When LJ's due date was coming up, man was I impatient! Excited and scared and eager and freaked out. The emotions were complicated. I couldn't wait! But the funny thing about babies is that they cook at their own pace and you *have* to wait! :o) (As Lily so unmistakably demonstrated for me in coming 9 days late)

But it's weird now with Sam. I'm not feeling impatient (well, hardly) at all! Don't get me wrong, I'm SUPER excited for her to come! I keep daydreaming and imagining what she'll be like and what life will be like with her here. I'm still loving feeling her wiggle around in my belly and I still love talking to her and singing to her and rubbing her little hiney...or foot...or whatever that pointy thing is. But I'm not counting down the minutes till her due date like I was with Lily. Why?

Probably because I know a lot more about babies than I did a year ago.

I know now how fast time goes by.

How tiny babies turn into big babies.

How each season passes in the blink of an eye.

How special these last few weeks are with just Lily. How nice the quiet of regular and well established naptimes are. How sweet it is to get uninterrupted sleep (if you don't count potty breaks). How completely pointless it is to worry and stress and try to figure out when a baby will be done cooking. They're done when they're done!

I really don't have much nesting that *has* to be done. I'm really not that uncomfortable. I'm still sleeping well. Still chasing my kid around. Still going on nice Mississippi walks. Still happy. Still content. Whether she comes in three weeks or five.

Of course now she'll probably be a stinker and come tomorrow just to throw me off! But I think I'm even ready for that! ;o)

36 Weeks

Dear well-meaning but tedious stranger at the grocery store: The answers to your questions are "November 27th and another girl". I can see it in your eyes...I know you're about to ask. But can we pause here while I suggest it would do us both more good if, instead of asking when I'm due and what my kid's gender is, you just told me I look great and bought me a candy bar? Cause that's all I really want right now (besides a foot massage, which I'll be asking my husband for when I get home). And because let's be honest, what are you really going to do with that information? Mark it down on your calendar? Send pink roses? Come on now. And while we're chatting so frankly (i.e. while I'm whining) you can also refrain from stating the obvious: Yes, I do, in fact, realize that my girls will be close together. I have eyes, too. And I can count. So back to the compliment and chocolate...why don't you stop being like the four other well-meaning but tedious strangers I just talked to and start a new trend? Thanks, Jessica

:o)

Now that I'm done complaining, let me say that I absolutely love it when I can make people's day just by bringing my daughter to the grocery store. She doesn't even seem to have to do anything besides give a shy grin, and she can melt people's hearts and brighten their days.

Let me also say that I bought a bad of candy corn (which will probably be gone in a day or so cause I have no self-control...meaning I'll be feeling sick...like every Halloween!) and they cleverly tried to make me feel better about it by advertising they are "made with real honey" :o) Because they're sneaky like that...they think that because honey is "healthy" I'll think these candies are "healthy". But I'm onto them...I know that there are five total forms of sugar/sweetener in those things...plus who knows what other creepy ingredients that I can barely pronounce, let alone understand their effects on my body. (Titanium Dioxide Color? That was never a color that I learned in first grade!) And I'm okay with that, since it's a treat. And no, I do not think that 20 pieces are a serving size. Who are they kidding? :o)

Biiiiiiig Belly

My belly button has that stretched out, lived in look. Cancel that, my BELLY has that stretched out, lived in look. 32 weeks now. Wanna know how to make a pregnancy fly by really fast? First, wait about five minutes in between your first and second kid...this ensures that you're crazy busy with a pre-toddler. Next, have your husband sign up for the Air Force and get set up to leave for Texas right in the beginning of your first trimester...this ensures that you have to ignore morning sickness and such cause you're so busy packing, saying goodbye to your man, and moving into your parent's house again. Third, move to Mississippi and get used to all the craziness of being an Air Force wife...this (on top of the pre-toddler) ensures that you are too busy to count the days till baby comes because you're busy unpacking and falling in love with your long-lost-husband again.

Once you've done all this, you realize it's almost time to have your second kid! Whew!

I had my first doctor's appointment at Keesler on Friday. It was great...I really liked the doc I met, even though she may not be the deliver-er. There are six doctors and one midwife, and whoever is on call at the hospital when you go in is your man/woman...unless you beg for someone specific. But I don't think it really bothers me to "not know". There's NOTHING like Deb, my hippie-purist midwife who I greatly miss, but this will do just fine. Everyone I've met seems very nice, very knowledgeable, very up-to-date, and very professional. And it's a good thing, cause I'm stuck with what I get! :o) Oh, and I had to do my glucose test and they had much yuckier tasting junk to drink than Deb. Blech. But I was thankful Jesse was home (it was a down Friday) and that the appointment was during Lily's nap. So besides being annoying because I didn't bring a book or anything, it wasn't a big deal that they had me wait around for an hour.

In other (bad) news, I had my first cockroach sighting in a long time this morning. And it was an exceptionally annoying one, not just because it escaped, but because the sucker was crawling around in my big kitchen utensil drawer...meaning I had to wash every single cooking/serving utensil...and try not to think about the fact that the dishes I was eating on at breakfast were possibly contaminated by yucky roach-feet, too...but there wasn't really anything I could do about it. (Raid isn't a good thing to spray on your dishes, methinks.) Blech.

In other (good) news, the weather is nice now! Down to the 60s/70s instead of 90s/100s. Sunny every day! Perfect for daily walks with baby. I'm loving it! It's just cool enough not to be sticky, but still warm enough for shorts and such. So much better than the summer weather. Every so often I see a "colored" leaf on the ground. This is the extent of fall, I believe. Oh well...we took a walk on the beach this weekend, so I'll stop complaining now.

Going Public

Surprise! I'm about 12 weeks now. Pretty proud of myself for being such a good secret keeper. And to all the people who know me really well and know I'm a terrible secret keeper...see! I'm growing...literally :o) It looks like #2 is due end of November/early December. LJ told me the other day she's really excited to be a big sister. Okay...that's a lie. But I'm really excited to have them close together like we'd wanted! Almost irish twins! :o) You know, I just wanted to make sure I stayed busy in Mississippi!

In other news, STILL haven't heard from Jesse! He's into week two now. He'll be learning how to take care of his M16 training weapon, defensive fighting, and more basic military classes. And more yelling. Probably. Again, I really have no idea how my Love is doing...which is hard. But only 46 more days. And hopefully someday in the next week they'll let him call me! I can't wait to hear his voice again. Pray for me...every so often it gets hard. But I'm doing really well. Lily keeps me busy. And Bethany's home now so I'm not alone during the day. I can do this!

But July 4th weekend can't come fast enough!